It's been a roller coaster nightmare. You lose the love of your life and your best friend.
The person you can't wait to share every moment of your life with. The person you text as soon as you hear something funny. The person you text "I love you beautiful, have a good day" to lift their spirits. It's all gone. There's no easing in to it. It almost as she's died. But, as my Daughter told me "It's not the same, because you can still talk to her" That is true. Just not whenever I would like. But, I guess it could be worse. Right now, I get a phone call a day for about 15-20 minutes. Share the call with the kids. So thankful it's daily. I don't think it's going to stay that way once she's moved. But, I'll take what I can get.
She also gets 2 visits a week. Video visits. 30 minutes a visit. Video visits are conducted through a 15" wide, 12"tall monitor with 2 telephones on either side. 2 out of three visits so far have started 12-15 minutes late. So, unless you complain (which most don't), you are out of 13-15 minutes of your visit. That is a life time for loved ones and an inmate that only has 2 visits a week. Usually, the "clerks" behind the bulletproof glass will try and accommodate your missed time. Which is cool. But, worrying about whether you're going to start on time is awful. So much anxiety.
There is also a delay on your call. I suppose this is so they can catch you if you are plotting to put like a file in a cake or something. Lame.
It's only been almost 2 weeks and I can see the difference in her appearance and the heavy sadness in her eyes. You try not to say anything about how you are struggling. But, she knows. She is such a "helper", I know it just kills her inside. What I would do to have "contact" visits. 30 minutes at least 3 times a week. To hold her hand, to give her a hug, a kiss. It really is an excessive punishment for a non-violent, first time offense. We hold on, we still love, we never give up. That's all we can do right now.
I went back to the beginning of the blog to get a better understanding. On the blog I write, it's important to do the same thing. There are so many changes they go through. Don't take this wrong, but be glad she only has 3 years - it will be over fairly soon. The man I write for has 17 years, and has done 10. But still, he doesn't have 40 years or life. he will have lost his youth, because he did 4 years in juvy before this because of a vengeful cop - see, he is black. No crime need be committed. His family has also just forgotten him, and he has a big family. he only has me - the grandmother of his son, born after his incarceration. I will be back. Hang in there.
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