Saturday, September 7, 2019

So hard to not give up some days.....

As a husband of an ex-felon, there are still tough days. You would think the days of the loneliness when my spouse was incarcerated would be gone. But, the loneliness still shows up. It probably sounds weird, but it's true. Could it be the struggle we go through now ? That piece that's missing that was there before she went away ? Maybe. Could it be our lives are still being affected by her being incarcerated, as in struggles for employment ? Maybe.
I have been told that I need to try and let the past go, but damn that's hard. "Look forward, be happy, look to the future". How many years of therapy are we talking here ?
This isn't meant to be a "downer" of a post, but a reality of a loved one and a family that has gone through being in prison. She's been home for about 4 years now and it's still tough. Like I mentioned, there are reminders all around us.
You know, when my Wife was gone, all I could think about was making sure our kids were ok. That was my number one priority. I didn't care about myself. My Wife was my second priority. I was always so worried about her and did everything I could do to make sure she was ok. Maybe it's time to think about myself. But, that's not so easy. I really am curious if there are other spouses that feel this way. The depression from the past can be so rough. It zaps your motivation . I was so strong getting my family through this, but now I feel a shell of that person.
This is my reality of being the spouse of an ex-felon who happens to be the love of my life.

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