So hard to not give up some days.....

As a husband of an ex-felon, there are still tough days. You would think the days of the loneliness when my spouse was incarcerated would be gone. But, the loneliness still shows up. It probably sounds weird, but it's true. Could it be the struggle we go through now ? That piece that's missing that was there before she went away ? Maybe. Could it be our lives are still being affected by her being incarcerated, as in struggles for employment ? Maybe.
I have been told that I need to try and let the past go, but damn that's hard. "Look forward, be happy, look to the future". How many years of therapy are we talking here ?
This isn't meant to be a "downer" of a post, but a reality of a loved one and a family that has gone through being in prison. She's been home for about 4 years now and it's still tough. Like I mentioned, there are reminders all around us.
You know, when my Wife was gone, all I could think about was making sure our kids were ok. That was my number one priority. I didn't care about myself. My Wife was my second priority. I was always so worried about her and did everything I could do to make sure she was ok. Maybe it's time to think about myself. But, that's not so easy. I really am curious if there are other spouses that feel this way. The depression from the past can be so rough. It zaps your motivation . I was so strong getting my family through this, but now I feel a shell of that person.
This is my reality of being the spouse of an ex-felon who happens to be the love of my life.

Parole, Probation, Restitution......and Background checks

I decided to blog about this subject because it affects so many people, including my own family. When a person has made a mistake and is incarcerated, they pay their dues with time. But, they also pay for years after release with parole, probation, restitution etc. But, they also pay with background checks. It’s the luck of the draw in some cases. It can damage families bad. You apply for jobs, get some calls, and maybe get an interview. Sometimes there are 2-3 interviews for that one job you want so bad. Everything sounds great ! You get offered the job pending the background check. Fingers crossed, stress and anxiety. Then you get the email saying basically you've failed the background and thanks but no thanks. This is usually 4-6 weeks after you started the process. Bills coming in and rent due. Living this life is extremely tough and stressful. Tears marriages and families apart. When is enough, enough ? A non-violent offense with incarceration. No threat to "society". 

Parole and probation want you working. So, how does that work ? Even when you've been out of prison for 3 years, you still struggle to get a decent job because of that background check. If you got lucky and had been working for say 2 years after incarceration and get laid off. You start over with the fear of the background check. Even though you've proven yourself. Also, sometimes you have to make the choice of eating or paying your restitution. Don't pay your restitution, guess where you get to go back to ? Yep, behind bars. There has to be a better way. That's easy to say. Prison population has barely changed. ALL California prison populations are over 100% capacity. Some well over that. It seems that prison reform has once again fallen by the way side. The powers that be make way too much money in the prison system to really "reform" it and you know what they say about money.....the root of all evil. 

It Can Happen 10/31/17

It Can Happen…..

It can happen….second chances. Yes, they really do exist. While you WILL have to work harder than ever to get it, it can be done. Kelly is your proof. 

Kelly was released from CDCR (California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation) October of 2015. The last six months of her sentence working for CAL Fire, fighting the California Wildfires. I thought that would be the hardest part of her sentence. Well, I didn’t realize being home would be almost as hard. The confusion of having your “own” house and bed. Being able to actually go places. You would think it would be all bliss. No, not quite. Also, dealing with an “over-zealous” probation officer with immediate job requirements. The odds of success can be really stacked against you. I honestly did not realize how overwhelming it could be. 

Once Kelly started to get her routine again, she started applying for jobs again. I can remember her being excited about certain jobs, but always worrying which job application would have “the box”. The box to check if you had been convicted of a felony. I know that she would leave that blank with the hope to make it to the next “round” of the application. Then, if asked, would try and explain the situation. She applied for quite a few jobs. She eventually landed a full time position. We waited on edge for her background check to come through. Then a crazy thing happened, her offer letter came through. It was amazing ! We didn’t hear another word about a background check for quite a while. She started work and was doing great ! 6 months in, there was a rumor. Somebody heard her name outside of work that knew of her past and mentioned to an employee of the company she worked at and did they know that she had been to prison. That employee felt the need to share it with the “higher ups”. Then all hell broke loose. Come to find out someone “slipped” up and the background was never done. The decision to keep or remove Kelly went before the board of directors. What’s crazy is she wasn’t even in a management position, I believe they were very nervous that there might me a legal issue. Well, it didn’t matter, there was no way they wanted a “felon” on their payroll. Kelly was let go. It was the first time I felt like maybe there was no second chance. Maybe it would always be this way. A lot of people view felons all the same. Violent, non-violent, doesn’t matter. Bad, always bad. Unless they have been affected by incarceration, they really don’t understand it seems.  

Depression started to creep in for Kelly. There were some tough times for a couple months. Went through a couple of temporary jobs. One of the staffing agencies that she went through found out about her background. I believe they were a bit puzzled. Kelly had received very positive feedback from one of their clients. The agency sat down with Kelly and talked to her about it. They didn’t think twice and kept finding her jobs. Eventually, they found her a great job ! They didn’t give up on her and Kelly never gave up on herself. Yes, it can be hard to find that company or person that just cares about good hard work, but they are out there. Just need to keep trying.

 It has been quite a while since Kelly started this job. She has been doing great ! Even went back to school and will receive her degree sometime next year. In between applying for jobs, Kelly would reach out to some of the women she was incarcerated with. She would help them with legal issues or help them fill out the right forms they needed. She also started getting questions from people reading our blog (www.orangeisthenewblog.com) . Some had questions on the process of incarceration, what to expect, or how she was able to get through it. Kelly ended up reaching out to them and helping when they needed help. She has made the most out of the situation. We both continue to try our best and help others. Kelly is working on starting a non-profit to help female ex-felons to work on resumes, find work, get their GED's among many other things. She feels she was given a chance for that second chance, now it's her turn to give back. 

Time to Get Educated, Bridging the Gap of inequality in America!

The big inequality debate, and how do we fix it? How do we bridge the gap of the social injustice and racism in the US today? This was asked at the first presidential debate and neither candidate answered the question. Hilary danced around it with generic answers and Trump avoided it all together by being way off topic.

They either don’t know how to fix it or they don’t want to fix it. History shows they don’t want to fix it! Election year after election year all you hear from politicians is how they are going to help save our poor communities, our African American communities our Hispanic communities, but year after year they do nothing, we never see results. Why because they really don’t want to fix anything, or make anything better, the politicians have to ensure to keep social inequality and social injustice alive and well so they can insure that they stay rich and powerful.

The rich are greedily taking control of the world’s wealth at the expense of the poor and middle class. They hire armies of lobbyists to influence government policies to help them keep their wealth growing while the rest of the county struggles to make ends meet. The wealthy continue to make more and more money while everyone else is making less and as the income inequality gap grows there are more and more of us out there that are fed up and want to see some change.

We outnumber the rich, if we band together, stand united and fight back against the greed, and corruption of the super-wealthy we can try and end the cycle of poverty that seems to become harder and harder to escape, but the rich already know this, they can’t afford the poor and middle class to band together and fight back. They can’t risk losing the power, the control, and their money; so they have to cause chaos, and hatred among us. If they divide us and we continue to fight each other, they continue to win. They continue to keep us down, and while we struggle and fight each other they get richer and more powerful by the day.

We need to end this madness, stand together, strong and united stop fighting just the racial injustice and start fighting the social economic injustice that is plaguing this county and if we do we will start to see an end to the racial injustice and oppression we are suffering. The answer to the question that was asked tonight during the debate, how do be bridge the gap? We start by education, educating our youth, cleaning up the streets, safe neighborhoods, nice schools; it’s time to give our poor communities, our poor youth a chance at a future. We need to focus on education; we put an end to mass incarceration, stop punishing poverty. Our mass incarceration is not so much on the specific crimes committed or race of the defendant, but the lack of money to hire an influential lawyer, to pay your way out of trouble.

The reason we never see change is because THE RICH GET RICHER UNTIL THE POOR GET EDUCATED!

Life of a Fire Camper Spouse 2015

Life as a FireCamper Spouse

Even before my Wife was sentenced to prison, she had decided that she wanted to qualify to go to fire camp. She knew she could get a reduced sentence and could possibly be closer to home. She also knew about the extreme physical requirements. She was willing and able. So, after the process of County Jail, Receiving (Classification), she was sent to CIW (California Institute For Women) in Corona, CA. That’s where she would train and be tested to see if she would qualify for Fire Camp. She had a very low security level, so that was not a problem. It was the physical training that she was concerned about. She actually started training on her own before the actually “fire camp training” started. It helped. Tons of cardio. She also made sure that she stayed away from certain foods and stayed constantly hydrated. The training provided by the prison was done by an inmate that was a personal trainer before her incarceration. As my Wife put it “I like her, she doesn’t put up with the whiney women”. The training was to get you ready for the actual PFT (Cal Fire Test). My Wife also told me that about half of the inmates trying out for fire camp were there just to get out of the normal day to day prison duties. But, once the workouts started, those there to “kick back” were quickly sent back to where they came. My Wife had heard that if you ended up being “Top Hiker” of your class, you could pick which camp you wanted to go to. Being from San Diego, she really had three places she would be sent, Rainbow (Fallbrook), Malibu, or Puerta La Cruz (Warner Springs). Her top pick was Rainbow. Rainbow was less than an hour drive for us. So, she made that her goal. She was telling me, most of the women wanted to go to Malibu. So, that was good too. She was so driven to get that “Top Hiker”. So, a couple of weeks went by. She worked so hard. Became “friends” with another would be camper. A few of the women were getting angry and frustrated with my Wife. Saying, she was trying to make them “look bad”. They did not matter to my Wife. Bottom line, she was there to get as close to her family as possible. As she always said “Her eyes were on the prize”. In the end, she made “Top Hiker”. Even as an “Inmate”, the Fire Captains respected her. So, she chose Rainbow Conservation Camp. We were overjoyed ! Everything would change for us. No more VPASS (Scheduling for prison visits), driving 2 hours to see her, razor wire, vending machines, and the smell of urine as you wait to for your name to be called. This was a totally different world. A “normal” feel. A “human” feel. Visits are on the weekend. 9:30am - 3pm. Way out in the back country. The only fences there are a “ranch style” fence to keep wildlife out. You are visiting in an area that looks exactly like a campground. Benches under oak trees, barbecues, and a play area for kids. The camp is run by Cal Fire. There is minimal law enforcement. The 2 correctional officers my Son and I met on our first visit were so cool. Very friendly and helpful. Again, I will use the term “human”. I say that, because when he had visited her at County and CIW, it was awful. It was almost like the CO’s tried to make sure you never came back. So, it was nice. After checking in, seeing my Wife walk as fast as she can (no running) to come see us was awesome ! She was dressed in bright orange pants, with “prisoner” down the leg and a bright orange long sleeve shirt. Along with the standard huge, tall, black forest boots. My Son had lots of questions for her. Do you get hot wearing that ? Are those boots comfortable ? What do you eat ? It was cool. What was also cool, was that you could bring in food for your loved one. You could bring in food to barbecue too. Fast food, homemade food, snacks, and drinks (water / Soda). etc. 

They are also allowed 2-3 calls a week, 15 minutes each. Sounds and is way better than the mainstream crap she came from. It was a privilege to be there. If you screwed up there (fighting, drugs, attitude with CO’s) you got shipped back to the mainstream immediately. My Wife saw a few of these. The privilege to be there was constantly “paid” for by extremely hard work. Speaking of pay, while out fighting fires, the inmates get around $1.00 an hour. While at camp waiting to be sent out, inmates get less than $2.00 a day. They save the state of CA millions of dollars in labor costs. Extreme cheap labor traded for 2 for 1 credits. I’m sure every one of those women in camp will say they have never worked harder in their lives, including my Wife. I have become color blind. Every time I have gone to visit her, I don’t even notice the orange. These women made a mistake and to me have stepped up and are really helping firefighters. They ARE firefighters. The wildfires here in CA could not be fought without the help of these men and women. 

I would say the only drawback about having a loved one in fire camp is you never know when they will leave for a fire. Well, unless you are visiting and the siren goes off. That’s happened twice so far. That, is very hard to see. They get up, run off and get all their gear. You just stand and watch as they line up for a count and briefing. Then they will line up to head to the bus. You hope for a quick glimpse and wave before they leave. Definitely has left me very emotional. If you’re not there when they leave, you figure it out during the week when the calls aren’t coming in. One of the last fires she was on, she was gone for about 40 days. That was actually a new record for Rainbow. As she described to me, nerves were frayed and tempers ran high towards the end of that. But, another cool thing for them, they have their mail brought to them wherever they are and they can send mail out. That was our main communication during the 40 day outing. Mail only take 2-3 days to get to and from the campers. Which is wonderful. CIW was taking 7-14 days. Being a couple days off of communication wasn’t bad. Depending on the day they came back, you might not hear from them unless you actually visit them. You would call the day before or same morning you plan your visit. You can’t ask if they are there though. It’s “Can you tell me if crew 5 is in ?” Your answer is usually a “Yes” or “No” and that’s it. The stories Kelly came back with were amazing. Sleeping on the side of a mountain, wrapping telephone poles as the fire is shooting up the hill towards them. I remember that story because she was telling me it wounded like a waterfall as the fire was engulfing the brush. Somersaulting down a steep hill and it not being on purpose. Like I said, unforgettable stories and memories. That summer of 2015 was like a war zone in California. I remember always making sure I was in front of the TV on time for the local news. I followed Cal Fire on twitter too. If she were in camp, I wanted to get an idea of where she might go or how bad it was wherever she was at. We could only guess where she was, obviously she couldn’t tell you. Some of the fires she went on in 2015, North Fire, Rough Fire, Cabin Fire. Shovels, picks, chainsaws. She did all. She is amazing to me. The toughest person I’ve ever known. I have so much respect for all the inmate firefighters. You don’t hear a lot about them. But, they are such a big part of the effort. Kelly won’t talk much about everything she did. It’s not because she’s embarrassed, it’s because she doesn’t like to talk about herself or “brag”. It’s just not her style. She gave so much, sometimes I wish she would. 

CA Innocence Project - UPDATE Justice has been served!!

This is a great story, and I am truly so happy for Kimberly justice has now finally been served! 

I met Kimberly at CIW she was one of my trainers for Fire Camp, she always had a smile and was so positive, she lost 7 years of her life because of our corrupt and broken system; the DA just wants a conviction they don't care who it is as long as they can make their high conviction rate.

I remember Kimberly saying how she was sad and depressed that first year, coming to the realization that she was in prison possibly for the rest of her life. She was down but not out, she picked her self-up and dusted herself off and decided to make the best out of her situation, she got transferred to CIW and worked hard to get the job as one of the trainers for the Fire Camp program. As a trainer she was an inspiration and a bight light of hope for a lot of women.

https://californiainnocenceproject.org/read-their-stories/kimberly-long

Wishing Kimberly the best, and supporting the hard work of the dedicated men and women at the Innocence Project in San Diego! www.californiainnocenceproject.org


The happiest people don't have the best of everything they just make the most of everything....

Life After Prison for a CA Mom

You've done your time. You sat in prison, you fought wildfires for $1.00 an hour, did your parole and finished your probation. You went and landed a job. Prison hadn't changed you, you still worked very hard. Your company loved you. 7 months in, a rumor, word of mouth, a gossiper let that company know about your past. Even though you checked that "box", it didn't matter. "Your position is too visible, we have to let you go" Life after Prison for a CA Mom. 
Another obstacle. Was it a fluke that she got the job or how she lost it ? Was she too visible to upper management ? She worked in an office for God's sake. What is the actual penalty here ? Does the prison time not matter ? How about the time away from her kids ? Restitution ? "Let me be a tax paying citizen. Let me be in the workforce. Why would you want me on government assistance ?" Society is just not ready to accept that felons are human still. They have made mistakes AND have paid for it. If they are willing to work, why can't they ? Her company thought she was amazing until they found out about her past. She is a non-violent felon. Honestly, this is all new for us. We were naive. Too trusting I suppose. 
Now, we start over, again. Looking for that second, second chance. 

Mothers Day 2016

Every time any sort of "holiday" or "special day" comes around, I think about last year. It's Mother's Day this time. My Wife was at CIW / Fire Camp. Living her new life on her Unwanted Vacation. At least at CIW we could still talk and visit a couple of times a month. I can remember Kelly telling me about all the women she met there that were just like her. Some of the first time offenders . Drugs, DUI, stealing. The ones that always hit me hard were the Mom's that were doing anything they could to help their families. Even it were stealing. Yes, it was against the law. But, they felt there was no other place to turn. There are those people who refuse to listen to the real reason why some of these crimes were being committed. Being in the courtroom as the Prosecutor paints a picture of a monster that cares about no one and only stole to steal. These women that were caught are really paying the ultimate price. For Kelly, she kept a low profile. She wasn't involved in any violent incidences. But, for her and the other Mom's in there, it was being away from their families. That, is the punishment and it is a tough one. I can remember visiting and just watching other inmates interact with their kids. It got to me so bad. Tears would flow. There are those people out there that still just feel that if you have committed a crime, you're almost sub-human to them. If they could see what I have seen on those visiting days, maybe, just maybe a small percentage would think differently. I am not asking for a change in the "law" or reduced sentences. But, maybe for "kid friendly" programs. When Kelly was in receiving (Classification) for 4 months, there was NO contact. No, phone calls or visits. It was torture for all of us, but especially for our kids. It was a very pivotable year for them. We did get her letters, but not hearing her voice or letting them feel that hug from their Mama was so hard. Even though her receiving was 6 hours away, we would have made the drive. I just don't understand why it has to be that way. I tried to ask questions to the DOC, but "That's the way it is". I will continue to ask those questions and will never stop either.
It's crazy how similar a lot of these women are. Made that one mistake that changed everything in their lives. But, it was awesome to hear how they gravitated towards each other. Making drawings for their kids and mailing them to make sure they got there on the right date. Or at least trying. Sharing pictures with each other. Giving them hope. Making the best of a tough situation.
Mother's Day 2016 is very different than a year ago. But, the memories are still there. The hurt is still there, but fading. I will always be grateful for those "Mom's" that helped Kelly and I know she will never forget them. Happy Mother's Day.

The Days We Want to Forget....

The Days we want to forget….

It’s been a few months now that my Wife has been home from prison and my family has been put back together. As expected, it’s been tough. But, not anything close as when she went in. The heartache and fear we had when she was sentenced was beyond anything we have ever felt. Being a Father of two kids and trying to be there mentally as much as I could for them was very difficult. It was very hard to keep them strong when I was so devastated. But, as parents, we learn to do anything for our kids. The way I looked at it, my kids kept me strong. Just making sure they were ok, was a full time job. After time, we bonded. Stronger than ever before. I am beyond grateful for that. We look back on the time my Wife was gone and think of everything we did and accomplished. Those memories are incredible. Getting through school, sports, even going off to college. But, there were so many days we wanted to forget. Questions where their Mom was. Is she sick? Cancer? Did you get a divorce? Being terrified their friends would find out. Going to doctor / dentist appointments and explaining why we didn’t have insurance anymore. A few of the visits, dealing with clerks and or correctional officers treating us like we were the criminals. Yeah, it sucked. Like the time we saw my Wife at CIW (California Institute for Women) for the first time in 4 months. We drove 2 hours to get there to find out she was not allowed a contact visit yet. So, we saw her through a 12”x12” window. They had her in a caged box. About 3ft wide and six ft tall. That was probably one of the worst memories I had. The visits did get better. I think our skin got thicker too. We saw her a few times at CIW. But when she was transferred for Fire camp (Rainbow), everything changed. The visits were great, the staff was nice, and the visiting area was very nice. The hardest part about Fire camp for us was, when she was called on a fire, you never knew when she’d be back. Plus, fire season in California is no joke. So, on my part, there was a lot of worry. But, you could get a lot of info through social media and the news. But, again, we all made it through it. That was her last stop being incarcerated. 

It took her about a month to get settled at home. She would tell you it was less, but it did take that long. After the joy of being home started to wear off, reality came crashing in. I could tell she was depressed. Where do I go from here? Will I ever have a career again? How can I help at home like I used to? The paranoia she’d have when she’d hear a siren or someone opening the gate to our yard. We also had to cope with the idea of Probation coming by and going through our house at will. That still hasn’t happened, but we were told a few times that they would. We were very psyched out. It was tough, especially with the Holidays a month away. Honestly though, once we got through the holidays, we were able to settle in. 

By some miracle, my Wife landed a job through a staffing agency. Not really sure how it happened, but I don’t want to question it. We seem to be on the road to recovery. We accept that there are memories that we will never forget, no matter how bad we want to. But, sharing these experiences can help others. Not to sound too corny, but there is hope. In these situations, I think some people coming out of prison look to the government to help them. That’s not going to happen. That’s where people that were in the same situation that they are in can help. The days we want to forget can help those that are living them now. 

Day 224-230 5/4/15-5/10/15 "Mothers Day without You"

Day 224 5/4/15
Dukats went out last night and my name wasn't on the list to see committee this week, have to wait another week. Some of the women that I came on the bus with got a dukat and get to see committee this week. That was frustrating especially because half of them don't even want to go to camp, but I am keeping my head up and remind myself everything happens for a reason. Chris and I are at the rec yard at 8:30 am; at aerobics by 11 am, followed by the gym and sometimes back to the rec yard. Spend most of my day just exercising and getting ready for camp.

Went to education today to try and find some classes to take, first teacher we talked to told Chris and I we were "not stupid enough" to take any of his classes, did he really use the word "stupid"? Yes he did! I am very rarely offended but was so offended with his comment, I get it most of the women are not very educated, without a high school diploma or GED, but maybe try and change that and get them the basic education so they can function in society and stay out of prison.

Day 225 5/5/16
Got a job in the kitchen today, I work the breakfast shift, it requires me to get up early but I don't mind. For working in the kitchen you get the "extras" any food left over from breakfast we get, along with two lunches. I am not really interested in tons of food but will gladly take the extra fruit and any protein I can get. I am burning way more calories then they are feeding us.

Spent the day exercising again, out the door at 8:30 every morning, it is really nice to be out all day. I have a good routine going and I love having phone calls everyday. The days are going by much faster.

Went back to education today and talked to a different teacher, she was much more helpful she runs the college classes, I got signed up for two classes for the summer session, once completed I earn two weeks of milestones. You can earn up to 6 weeks of milestones a year, and each milestone is a week off of your sentence. I am trying to do everything I can to earn those 6 weeks. I have two weeks for the college classes and I earn another milestone for completing fire camp training. Three weeks down, three more to earn. They offer other self-help classes, most of them are six weeks long or longer and I won't be here long enough to complete them and you are unable to take them at the same time as camp. So it is a struggle to earn the extra milestones and be in fire camp.

Day 226 - 229 5/6/16-5/9/16
Have a regular routine going, working in the kitchen every morning, working out, going to aerobics, reading, watching TV in the afternoons, making my daily phone call, walking in the evenings, then off to bed to wake up and do it again. No one wants to be here but I am making the best of it. I am in a good place, happy, pushing through every day, looking forward to getting to camp. Camp is my final stop before I get home. It can't come fast enough.

Day 230 5/10/16
Happy Mother's Day! Wishing all the mothers a happy mothers day, especially the ones that are not with their children right now. Today is a hard day but I'm staying busy to keep me from dwelling on my situation. I know my kids are safe, loved, and well taken care of and as a mom that is all you can ask for when you are unable to be with them. Being away from my kids is hard, my son and daughter are my life, and being away from this just reminds me not to take things for granted. To enjoy the little things in life and don't miss out on the small stuff. All those times I was to tired, too busy, the not now later, you want to take them all back. I'll never be to tired or to busy ever again. As a mom you think back to the climbing all over you, the little toddler pulling your hair, hitting your leg for attention, the "mommy, mommy" I need juice, I want a snack, I'm hungry, the whining, the crying, the fights, the tantrums, it drives you crazy but when its gone you miss it. I would give anything to hear my kids fighting and arguing, the loud noise of them running in the house and playing. I miss tucking them in, watching them sleep, the hugs, the kisses, and the I love you's. I love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, I can't wait to get home to them.

Day 222-223 5/2/15-5/3/15 "Visiting Day.........finally"

Day 222 5/2/15
After breakfast I get ready to go to the rec yard at 8, Chris and I are going to work out with some of the other campers today. We are tying to find out what the workouts are and how the program works.Both of us want to get out of here and off to camp as quick as possible.

Before we can even start the program we have to wait to see committee, and get officially classified and endorsed to camp. This usually takes two weeks, of course more waiting. Then once you are endorsed and "officially" classified you have to wait to start the training. It has been 8 months just to get to this point, at this rate I am going to be released before I ever get through the process.

After you are officially classified you wait for your dukat to start PFT (Physical Fitness Training), this is part one of the fire camp training. PFT is 6 weeks of intense training from 7:00 am to 2:30 pm Monday thru Friday, exercising all day long. Most of the women complain about it, how its hard and they hate it, PFT is hell. Of course it is; imagine going form sitting in a cell, laying around and sleeping  12 plus hours a day to exercising for 6 hours a day. Some of these women have never exercised a day in their life, others are so over weight and out of shape I am not sure if it is even safe for them to be exerting themselves like the training requires.

After the 6 weeks of PFT, you test out. The test consists of a one mile run in under 9:30, do 50 sit-ups, 25 push-ups, boxes for 5 minutes on each leg (up down on a set of boxes for 5 minutes without stopping, at the required pace) and a three mile walk in under 52 minutes.I can easily take the test now and pass, but the program no longer allows you to "test out" and skip PFT, everyone has to participate in PFT.

I just can't wait to get going, and get to camp, I'll use this time to keep working out while I wait for committee.Now that I know what the test is, I will start practicing.

Day 223 5/3/15
Visiting day is today, I have been waiting for this day for a very long time. I am so excited, the last time I saw my family was back in January. I can't wait to hug them, its been just too long.

All the excitement and anticipation comes crashing down as I found out that its a non-contact visit? What!?! I am standing outside the visiting area while the officer goes and double checks, that it is a non-contact visit, I am standing there just thinking about my family, my husband and kids driving all the way here and they don't even get to see me except through the glass. How upsetting, disappointing, and crushing it is for them. At this point I don't even care its through the glass I just want to be able to talk to them and see them, of course a hug would be better. Just seeing them and talking to them longer than 15 minutes (phone call time) is incredible for me. I don't think the experience was the same for them, we had a lot of catching up to do so it was nice just to talk and talk and talk to them. The situation was not ideal, but it was better then nothing. I left feeling great, after 4 long months of being without my family to see them and spend time with them; even if it was through the glass it meant a lot to me.

They Say: You don't know what you had until its gone. The truth is you knew exactly what you had; you just never thought you would lose it.

Day 219-221 4/29-5/1 The Bus Ride to CIW, the next chapter begins

Day 219 4/29/14
Happy Birthday to my sister and friend! I love and miss you. Thank you for always being there for me!

I could hardly sleep last night, the anticipation of finally leaving left me restless and excited. I got my wake up call at 3:30 am, I got ready and was at R&R (receiving and release) by 4 am. There was 33 of us heading to CIW (CA Institute for Women). It was a long process in R&R, we had to get cleared, fed breakfast (peanut butter and jelly sandwich lunch), changed into muumuus, chained (wrist and ankle restraints), and then seated on the bus. It was 7 am by the time all 33 of us were on the bus, and it was almost 7:30 am by the time we actually left the prison and got on the road. They assigned us our seats so there was no choosing where you got to sit or who you sat with. I was toward the back of the bus, no window seat, and I sat with Top Model. Top Model was a runner up on the show America's Next Top Model, just shows you shit can happen to anyone. Top Model was nice. I knew her from A-yard and we got along. We are both tall so the ride was very uncomfortable for both of us.

The rules were simple, no talking when the bus was in motion. It was a very long, hot and quiet ride. We had to stop at McFarland to pick-up two more women, that stop only added to the length of the trip.We were given peanut butter and jelly lunches, we had nothing to drink so I was very dehydrated. I tried my best to sleep, but the bus was really uncomfortable so it was difficult. We finally arrived at CIW around 3 pm. Just when I thought it was almost over, the long drawn out receiving process was just getting started.

It was very hot (high 90's), I was tired, I was hungry, and I was getting a headache. We were not done in time for dinner so it was peanut butter and jelly again. We had to watch an orientation video, get our property, we had to see the doctor, we had to meet with the Sargent for housing assignments, it was just a painful slow process. As usual a lot of waiting around, the prison motto "hurry up and wait."

I was exhausted, my stomach hurt, my head hurt, I just wanted to get finished. It was 6:30 by the time we headed to our housing assignments. The campers (women endorsed to fire camp) are housed in CIW's old receiving facility, as the campers are kept separate from the general population for training. The receiving facility is old, dirty, and beat-up. The housing unit has two day rooms, 4 hallways each containing 30 (2) man cells with the cop shop (the office/bubble where the officers work/sit around) in the middle, we have are own chow hall and kitchen in the building along with a yard in the front and the Cal-Fire offices and classroom across the way. I was assigned to hall 2, room 139, as I come down the hall I am greeted by Adrian, it was so good to see her. She is only three doors down from me. Adrian helped me clean my room, gave me some clothes, found me a pair of workout shoes, and gave me the rundown of how things worked at CIW. At CIW  you no longer have to share a room with 7 women, only 1, but the best part is the windows that open so you can actually have fresh air come through your cell.

My roommate is Boxer she came on the bus with me, she is 21 and from LA. We unpacked, made our beds, showered, and off to bed. We were exhausted I was out in seconds of my head hitting the pillow. It feels good to finally be here and getting this journey started, the sooner its started the sooner its over with.

Day 220 4/30/15
Day one at CIW, I was up at 6:30 am for breakfast, orientation at 7 and out the door by 8 to pick up my state issued clothes. I didn't waste anytime, I was off to the track, went to aerobics class, and checked out some books from the library. It felt incredible to be out all day and feel productive. It also feels good to just be closer to home its still a 90 minute drive but its better than 6 hours. I got a phone call into my family, enjoyed the rec yard after dinner and am looking forward to a visit this weekend, its been 3 1/2 months since I have seen my husband and kids I can't wait. I have not felt this good in a long time.

We are out of our cells most of the day, they open the doors at 6 am for breakfast and they stay open all day. We lock down at 3:30 for count, then we have dinner and the unit is open until 8:30 pm.

Day 221 5/1/15
Today is annual TB testing in all the women's facilities so we are in lock down until everyone has been tested. I finally get here and we are in lock down, but of all the places to be locked down I'd rather it be here. They finished by 11 am and they release us from lock down, so Chris and I are the only crazy ones that go to the track and go running its 90+ out, its hot and there is no air conditioning, but I don't care just to be out feels amazing.I'm looking forward to my visit with my family this weekend.

Day 214-218 4/24-4/28 100 Days in Prison

Day 214 Friday 4/24/14
It's been officially 100 days in prison and I have survived so far. The hardest part is over, now I just need to get on that bus to CIW. Going over the wall and waiting to trans-pac is annoying, you can't settle in or get a routine going because you are leaving any day. You are a temporary resident, me moving into this room for my roommates is like having a guest you don't know crash on your couch for 1-2 weeks. Then I leave and the next guest off the street moves in. I can imagine it gets very old fast for the women that live here. I'm just a guest in their house and I understand the disruption so I am respectful of that and I think they appreciate it. I have so much respect for these women, I'm going home in a few months, serving only 13 to 15 months; these women have many years to go and some may never leave. When ever I get down I have to remind myself it can always be worse. I understand I am one of the "lucky ones", I can't imagine not having an out date and not knowing if I'll ever get one. To watch some of these women make the most of their situation is very inspiring, on the outside we take so much for granted. I took so much for granted, the loss of your freedom makes you appreciate life.

I am very thankful for my room and the roommates I have on D-Yard. Some women are not so lucky, not all the women here make the most of their time, some are miserable, others are very mean, and some are just down right crazy. The poor lady across the way got in a room with two lifers who don't allow the other roommates to be in their room at certain times (the majority of the day) they can't use the restroom at certain times, no laying on your bed except for sleeping at night, no naps, its insane. There are other rooms you are required to take 3-4 showers a day, scrub the brick walls everyday, some over the top stuff, not all rooms are so crazy but some of the stories they tell on A-yard are true. The other strange thing I had to get use to was the living in the dark, they cover the windows and never turn on the lights. They only turn the lights on during mandatory count, this is the majority of all the rooms. I finally realized that its so the officers can't see in the room when they walk by and do their checks. D-Yard is just strange, I can't wait to get out of here. I have grown on my new roommates, especially Blue who was determined to get me a courtesy bed move this weekend but she has now reconsidered. I know she won't admit but I think she is starting to like me.

Day 215 Saturday 4/25/14
I have been enjoying my first few days, being able to be outside most of the day is amazing. I have made friends with Chris my new workout partner, she came over the wall with me and lives in my housing unit, so we eat together, workout, and hang out during the day. She is going to Fire Camp as well, she is from San Diego, is 39 and a mom of two just like myself so we hit it off right away.

We had our Saturday and Sunday all planned out, a weekend outside all day and go figure it rains and to top it off they are short staffed. Back to modified program, I finally get "over the wall" and I am not only stuck inside but I have to be in my room all day. I had a morning phone call and so did Chris after our phone calls to our family we both sat in the day room together and talked for hours, the officer didn't even care he let us stay out there until shift change. It ended up being a nice Saturday and the time went by quick. Chris and I have a lot in common and its really nice to meet someone with the same goals and work ethic. I am thankful we met and are going to camp together.

Day 216 Sunday 4/26/14
The rain has passed, it was beautiful outside, and I enjoyed the sun all day. After I returned from evening yard they were passing out dukats and I got my trans-packing dukat! Super excited I am off to R&R (receiving and release) tomorrow to pack my belongings and will be heading to CIW on Wednesday.

Day 217 Monday 4/27/14
I was up early, off to breakfast and back to my room to pack. I was at R&R by 8am with all my belongings. There were a lot of us, not only were they trans-packing for tomorrows bus to Folsom, our bus to CIW on Wednesday, they were busy with property boxes as well. It took a few hours to get seen and packed but it feels good to know I am two days from leaving.

Day 218 Tuesday 4/28/14
I said goodbye to Sam this morning at breakfast as she is on her way to Folsom today. I am thankful for the extra week we got to spend together and that I got to actually say good-bye this time. I enjoyed the rest of my day working out with Chris, getting ready for Fire Camp. I got my dukat, I'm officially leaving tomorrow morning at 4am, I am so ready!

Day 212 4/22/15 D-Yard

Day 212  4/22/15
I went "over the wall" last night, I am no longer in receiving. I left A-Yard (receiving) and am now on D-Yard. D-Yard is where they send the overflow, due to the overcrowding they need beds in receiving so they move us out of receiving and into overflow while we wait for transportation. You usually go over the wall to over flow when you are scheduled for the next bus to CIW, Folsom, or McFarland. The standard wait in overflow can be 1 to 2 weeks, I heard others have waited 3-6 weeks (usually due to medical holds or other issues). I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am out of here in a week.

D-Yard is where they house the long timers, most of the women have 15 years or more, many have life, including L-WOP's (Life without parole). I met my roommates, two are serving life sentences, one has 10 months left on her 15 year sentence, two are doing 10 years and one with 5 years left on her 8 year sentence. The one with only 8 is here because she got caught at CIW with cell phones and picked up new charges that gave her an additional 2 years. Then there is Bee and she is in overflow waiting to go Folsom. I make 8 and this is a 7 person room, Blue my bunkie does not like to have a bunkie she is a lifer and this is her room, she has been down over 20 years so what she says goes or you move out. They are not really happy I have moved in but they are not mean, well except for Tiny she totally hates me and is seriously crazy, she seems to fight with everyone in the room so I am not taking it personal.

When you are on A-Yard you hear all these crazy stories about when you go over the wall there are lifers that will make you pay rent, scrub the bricks, not allow you in your room at certain times, all kinds of stuff, some of it is true but as Blue went over the room rules I got assigned a pretty normal room, the rules are basic respectful rules. I am super clean so that is easy, I'm quite, keep to myself and Blue hates "couch potatoes" no problem there because I hate sitting around and being stuck inside. I will be outside every minute I get. The best part of being on D-yard is the yard opens at 9 am and I can stay out all day long.

Receiving is a dump, because it is not permanent housing, so it is not taken care of and you are not allowed any amenities. On D-yard the rooms are much nicer, more kept up and cleaner. We have outlets, light switches (we can control our own lights), the mattresses are double the size, and we have pillows.My roommates have TV's and radios, we also have a table and chair in our room, the floors have epoxy on them rather than hard cold concrete. We get to use the phone everyday, we can do are own laundry once a week and my favorite we get to go outside in the evenings after dinner.

There are 4 housing units on D-yard each houses 256 women a total of 1024 of us on D-yard, we are not separated or segregated by security levels all levels are housed together, low level ones are housed with high level fours. They open the yard around 9 or 10 am you can go outside or be in the day room (day room has tables, TV's, benches, and phones). A majority of the women go to school or work during the day, I was actually surprised by how many don't work or go to school (it is due to their security level). The yard closes at 3:30 and we all lock down for mandatory count at 4 pm, then we have dinner At dinner they don't rush you out of the chow hall in under 15 minutes, you can stay and eat. The food is the same but you get larger portions (but I actually  think the trays are just bigger). Then the day room opens back up around 6-6:30 pm and the yard opens from 7-8:30 pm.

First things first we got new clothes, no more oranges. I never want to wear orange again. Over the wall you are in blues, light blue shirts, jean pants, blue sweatshirts and state issued tennis shoes. They are much nicer and more comfortable than the oranges in receiving. You can also order and wear your own clothes, shorts, t-shirts, sweat pants.

I spent my first day outside with a couple girls I met that came over the wall with me yesterday, that live in my housing unit. I got a phone call into my family, that call was incredible I had only been dying to make it for over a month! Then I spent the evening walking and talking with my friend Sam.

The days definitely go by a little faster over the wall. Now I am just waiting for that trans-packing dukat, (my notice that I am on the next bus out of here). I have been endorsed to Fire Camp so I will be going to CIW (California Institution for Women in Corona CA) for training.

Days 206-211 4/16/15-4/21/15 "Baby Case" & "Over the Wall"

Day 206 4/16/15

No one left today, but we did receive some new bodies and unfortunately one of the women that arrived was a "baby case" (Child Endangerment / Child Abuse) and before she even moved into her assigned room she got into a fight and had to be moved to unit 503 (the two man cells). This woman has a long road ahead of her if they already know she's a baby case. They are going to make her life miserable, and unlike the men’s prisons, the women don’t have the option to PC up (protective custody). Your only option is to go to Ad Seg. (Administrative Segregation) and do your time in the dungeon. That means no programming, one hour outside a day in a cage (like an animal), all meals in your cell, a shower every other day (and if you elect to shower they raid your cell while you shower so most skip the showers and choose to bird bath instead) and 23 hours of lockdown. Solitary confinement, it’s a horrific way to do your time. She’s better off taking her chances in general population, either way she has a long road ahead of her.

Day 207 4/17/15

Even though the new woman with the "baby case" was moved to 503 yesterday and she got attacked again coming back from breakfast. Evil was in the med line, saw her walking back from breakfast and ran up on her. They started fighting in the middle of the yard. Two fights in less than 24 hours of your arrival, Welcome to Prison!

Today is a big day for handing out muumuu’s to go over the wall, as they are handing them out I realize there are none coming to room 4. I am upset and disappointed again. I really wanted to be out of here before my husband’s birthday next week so I could call him, but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. As I am trying to be strong and pull myself together to push through another weekend, it hits me like a ton of bricks my friend Sam is leaving, the one person I met here that I trust, that I consider a friend, the only one I could see myself talking to and seeing when we are out of here is leaving. I am devastated. I am so happy for her but I am a wreck. Who am I going to have breakfast with every morning, or share books with, or talk to during evening program, my friend is gone! It was so hard to see her go, we said good-bye through the window, I could hardly talk as I was fighting back the tears. Wishing Sam the best!

Day 208 4/18/15

The full moon was out tonight, and I guess it makes the women here crazier than they normally are. We had a fight during dinner, another after dinner outside the chow hall and a third one in front of our unit.

Day 210 4/20/15

I’m still waiting!!! This week’s lesson is Patience. You would think I would have learned some by now, but no I have not.

“Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes like meaningful.”

Day 211 4/21/15

Happy Birthday to my incredible husband, who has held our family together during this turbulent time in our lives; he is an amazing man, super dad, and wonderful husband. His love and support has kept me strong over the last 211 days, Happy Birthday to my best friend and soul mate!

Today was the day, they handed out 22 muumuus and I got one of them! I can’t believe it, the day I have been waiting for has arrived, what a birthday present for my husband, its been a long 97 days in receiving and it’s finally over.

They handed out muumuus late so we are not going over the wall until after dinner. My roommates drive me crazy sometimes, but they are all good women and I will miss them. I’m a little nervous but my excitement and happiness to be one step closer is much more overpowering. I’m packed, my roommates helped me, and I’m off. We say our goodbyes and I walk across A-Yard (receiving) for the very last time. It’s a process as we haul all our stuff to D-Yard, we have to wait for the officers to take role, we all have to go through the metal detectors, then the long walk across the prison to go through a final metal detector and get out housing unit. By the time we get to D-yard and our housing units it’s almost 8:30pm.

As I am walking to my housing unit the inmates are outside for evening and I am greeted with a big hug and huge smile from my friend Sam. I am so happy to see her. I get my room assignment; meet my new roommates, who are not happy they now have an 8^th person in their room, I unpack quickly and I’m off to bed, it is the start of the next part of my journey.

Days 199-205 4/9/15-4/15/15 "Tax Day"

Day 199 4/9/15

A big bus from LA arrived today, so lots of movement. They sent 25 women over the wall (move from the receiving yard to overflow to wait for transportation or committee). They have to move women to overflow to open up the beds for the new arrivals. I was not one of the 25 women and as I walk the yard its depressing as I see all these new faces and very few familiar ones.

Day 200 4/10/15

It’s been 200 days of waiting! Waiting to be transferred from county jail to prison, waiting to leave reception and “go over the wall”, then I’ll wait for transportation, and then again wait to see committee. This is such a long slow process. I am tired of waiting.

Day 203 4/13/15

Still Waiting!

Day 204 4/14/15

90 days officially in receiving. I’m over it and so ready to go. There are days I feel like I am losing my mind. I can’t wait to get out of here.

Day 205 4/15/15

Tax Day! As you pay your taxes know a big portion of your hard earned tax dollars help to pay for the mass incarceration rate and prison boom in America. With 2.2 million Americans incarcerated its costing tax payers a lot. On average it costs $50,000 a year per inmate in the state of California. This is a lot of money that could be spent to better use like education, health care, roads, libraries, public parks & beaches. This is money that could be spent on resources for the poor, addicted, and mentally ill. It’s astounding with less than 5 percent of the world’s population we hold nearly 25 percent of its prisoners. Don’t let the rehabilitation fool you, our criminal justice system is a long way away from actually rehabilitating inmates and helping them to not re-offend. Currently it’s just a lot of talk about reform and rehabilitation and very little action. As you mail in that check to Uncle Sam today take a minute and think about, is our government spending your hard earned tax dollars wisely?

Days 194-198 (4/4/15-4/8/15) Rule #12 "I Didn't See Anything"

Day 194 and 195 4/4/15 - 4/5/15

Another weekend to power through so I can get to Monday and hope I get out of here. We got our program time in this morning, but C and D were not so lucky, 5 minutes into the start of their program the alarm is going off. There was a fight in 501. They haul out the girls in handcuffs and resume back to normal program. Then Mala whose girlfriend Evil (who just moved in next door) is outside our window, Mala and her girlfriend are now on opposite program times so Mala is freaking out in a jealous rage. She is a total psycho and a real catch; rule #1: Don’t get a girlfriend! After she finished her crazy tirade outside our window she returns to the yard and gets into a fight. These two are going at, and as the cops get there they let them fight giving them a ton of chances to stop but they don’t so out comes the pepper spray. That puts an end to the fight and everyone’s program time. Only 30 minutes in and the yard is recalled (recall-have to go back into our rooms).

Sunday is Easter so to get in the spirit we made Easter baskets out of lunch boxes, and dyed Easter eggs using soap and Kool-aide. I was prepared to stay in all day because of the holiday, I figured we would be on first watch status (1st watch is the shift from 10pm-5am, with only one officer on duty), but I was pleasantly surprised with our 3 hours of yard time today.

Day 196 4/6/15

Monday the start of a new week, please let this be my week! I told myself I wasn’t going to think about it, but that is easier said than done. I had an appointment today, that was a nice escape but when I got back, I walked in to my roommates talking about rolling Nay Nay out of our room. (Rolling Out-you are either told to move out of the room or they pack your shit and throw it out of the room, basically you are looking for a new place to sleep) My roommates have not been getting along with her lately and the tension has been building up. I just stay out of it, because it’s too much drama. I just want to get off this yard. Jessie and Lizy decided to switch beds to make Nay Nay mad; this is only going to bring more tension to our room. We will see how this turns out.

Day 197 4/7/15

Well I am still here! Just waiting! My friend Helen from San Diego finally left today, after 17 weeks and 118 days in receiving she is finally on her way!

Day 198 4/8/15

The tension in the room finally erupted. I’ve been a little depressed lately so I’ve been really quiet and to myself just trying to patiently get through the waiting. I don’t really know all the details of what is going on except that some of my roommates were talking about Nay Nay at breakfast and she found out or overheard them. So when we all returned from breakfast she decided to call them out. The screaming match started, it was so lame I just ignored them and got my laundry ready. I am days from leaving and I don’t have time for this BS. Then it escalated from yelling at each other to getting physical. First it was Nay Nay and Lizy that fought. Then more screaming and arguing and next up were Nay Nay and Jessie started to go at it. Nay Nay is on the ground I think she blacked out for a minute, there is so much commotion going on the porters come down the hall to see what was going on. With the porters there, I got them to open the door and as soon as that door clicked open I grabbed my laundry and got out of there and I didn’t look back. They can fight it out all they want, but I want off this yard, and my priorities are getting home to my family. I’m not picking up new charges, I’m not going to be a witness (Rule #12 “I didn’t see anything”), and I am not getting a 115 because these girls cannot get along. (115-is a write-up and depending on the offense you can lose your good time credits). Smiley is still in receiving because of a big fight in her room she’s been on this yard for 10 months.

I went outside and stayed outside as long as I could. I was gone a good forty minutes before I headed back to my unit with my laundry. When I got back to my housing unit, ISU (Investigations Service Unit) was there raiding room 7 in our hall (H-Bang’s new room). The drug dogs were there, they tore that room up (mattress and all). We waited in the day room until they were done with the raid. They didn’t find anything, they talked to everyone is room 7 and then left. It is said that someone saw H-Bang crush up a Tylenol with codeine and sniff it. Someone snitched about drugs in that room and that is what brought on the raid. Once I got back to my own room the fighting was done and over with. We will see how long that will last.  

Day 189 -193 3/30/15- 4/3/15 The Waiting Game, Will I ever get out of receiving?

Day 189 3/30/15

Start of a new week, this is week 3; I should be out of receiving this week. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Happy Birthday to Whitney! Today is our roommate’s birthday, we made her a card and a cheesecake (graham crackers, sugar, creamer, and sierra mist) you would be surprised what you can do and make with creamer. After dinner we played some old fashioned birthday games. We made her day as she has not heard from her family and it’s been 5 weeks here. It’s a small percentage of women who have the love and support of family and friends while incarcerated. I know I am very fortunate and I am very grateful for my family.

Day 190 3/31/15

Today is a holiday, Cesar Chavez day, surprisingly we are fully staffed today, must be the  extra holiday/overtime pay the officers get that they decided to show up for work for once.

Day 191 4/1/15

Today is April fool’s day, you can’t ever believe what anyone in orange says around here, but you really can’t believe them today. Some of the porters thought it would be funny to hand out muumuus as a joke. I didn’t find the joke funny at all; women are stuck in receiving for 3-6 months just dying to get off this yard. The entire process of waiting for a muumuu is torture; you get your hopes up everyday just to be disappointed again and again. The odds are never in your favor, there are 3-10 muumuus given out with 256 women in the unit, it’s like the lottery you want to win so badly but you are more likely to be struck by lightning than winning. Women wait weeks for a muumuu, 6, 7, 8 weeks after seeing their counselor and everyday they wait and hope it’s their turn to leave just to be let down day after day. It’s cruel and unusual punishment; this whole process is pure torture. We all eventually leave receiving the question is when!?!

My friend Piggy from San Diego left today, she's been here 112 days, she’s finally off to Folsom.

Day 192 4/2/15

Officially 3 weeks since I saw my counselor, I was really hoping today was my day to go, but I’m still here. Another day of disappointment. I just want to be able to see and talk to my family, I want to be productive with my time, receiving sucks and they leave us in limbo for way to long. Today was bittersweet as Adrie left today, she had been in receiving for 113 days (7 weeks after she saw her counselor) she needed to go, she deserved to go, but I will miss her as she was my fire camp workout partner. We pushed each other; vented to each other, supported each other and now she’s gone. I hope to see her soon; maybe we will end up at the same camp.

Day 193 4/3/15

Today was a rough day; I expected to be out of receiving by now. I tried not to get my hopes up to high, but it’s hard not to. It’s hard being so far away, with no phone contact, no visits with my family for almost three months now. I’m so ready to go, and one of the girls I came up here with from San Diego just saw her counselor on Monday March 30th and left for fire camp yesterday. What an unbelievable painfully slow process this is. I'm still waiting!

Day 185-186 (3/26-3/27/2015) Riot in the Chow Hall

Day 185 3/26/15

It’s been two weeks since I saw my counselor and I’m still here, trying not to get discouraged but it’s been 10 weeks and 71 days in receiving and I’m ready to go. On the bright side it was so quiet all day in our room now that H-Bang is gone. Silence is Golden!

The silence didn’t last too long, as we were getting ready for dinner, the inmates from housing unit 501 are starting to come out of the chow hall when the alarm goes off. We notice the officers running so it’s a fight and a big one, because next thing I know they have 8 women handcuffed and sitting in the grass outside the chow hall. There are cops everywhere including one with a huge beanbag gun. You don’t want to be shot with the bean bags because not only will you be “shot” you will be charged $75 for the replacement of each bean bag that they shot at you. The officers have moved the women that were outside of the chow hall when the alarm went off to the side as they are giving medical care to the 8 handcuffed women due to the pepper spray that was used to stop the fight.As they tend to the 8 the alarm goes off again and they going running in and bring out two more women in handcuffs. They now empty out the entire chow hall and have all the women sitting outside for crowd control.  After about 30 minutes the officers escort everyone back to their unit 10-15 women at a time. Once everyone is back in their housing unit the officer with the gun and her partner leave our yard. The sergeant is now working on getting all the officers statements and making sure everyone is finished being seen at medical. They release one of the ladies back to her housing unit as they are finishing up processing this mess, the alarm goes off again the cops go running to 501 it’s another fight. They bring out two girls, one is the girl they just let go back to her unit. The Officers lock up the two of them in the cages in the sergeant’s office while they move the 8 from the chow hall riot to R&R (receiving and release) to finish processing the incident. All 8 women are being charged with inciting a riot. The 8 are looking at possible additional time and they will definitely be doing some time in Ad Seg. (Administrative Segregation Unit). Finally over two hours later they release unit 503 for dinner. By the time they release us for dinner its 8:15pm, at dinner they had double the cops and they gave us two minutes to eat, they wanted us in and out quickly.

There were about 20 people fighting in the chow hall brawl, but most of them got away. The cops only arrested 8 and out of the 8 only 5 went to Ad Seg. It was no surprise that Peaches and Taya were two of the 5. The rumors on the yard started immediately everyone wanted to know how and why the fight started. Some said it was a race riot, Blacks vs. Mexicans, others said it was just a big fight. Ducey one of the 8 that got arrested said it was not racial that is had to do with some issue earlier in the day over in 501.

Story one was a window got broken earlier in the day and the entire room got shot gunned (Shot Gun: when the cops move all 8 women out of the room to new rooms and/or housing units) and the fight was about the broken window. Story two was that a Mexican girl was in Ad Seg. with Peaches and Ducey and she didn’t get along with them and when she got released from Ad Seg. she put the word out to go after them and that “hit” is what got the fight going. Story three was the fight was over a girlfriend (90% of all fights are over girlfriends) and final story was the fight was over some mascara.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting."

Day 186 3/27/15

After the “riot” (in prison a fight involving 3 or more people is no longer a fight it is a riot) last night we woke up to extra security and a full staff for breakfast. Everyone got to and from breakfast without incident, but it didn’t last long as a fight broke out this morning in B hall. Two girls got into an argument and one cupped (Cupped-when an inmate uses their state issued cup and strikes another inmate in the face or head) the other and it was so bad she had to be taken in the ambulance. The fight delayed our program time (Program- the time given to inmates daily outside of their cell) but at least we got to program as C and D ( In receiving we are split up by the halls we live in A&B and C&D) did not get to program today due to last nights incident.

After dinner 14 plus officers with gloves, bags, and metal detectors head towards 501, it was a huge raid on the entire housing unit. When they were done they headed into our housing unit but only raided C and D hall. It’s been an insane week, never a dull moment in Chowchilla!

Days 180-184 (3/21/15) "I Swear on West Side Hoover"

Day 180 (3/21/15)

Today should be moving day for Missy, but she only wants to move across the hall to room 5 and guess what ? They don’t want her. That's not surprising she annoys us and I am sure she has annoyed them as well. I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t want “girlfriends”, a couple living in my room especially one who just got the entire room in trouble. Now she’s all upset and wants us to feel sorry for her, the only thing we want is her to move out. I don’t care where you go, just leave. Normally we would throw her out, but the officer on duty today will "shotgun" (move us all out) the entire room so we are stuck.

Everyone is disappointed that Missy is still here but we have other problems now as everyone is napping Peaches is at our window calling out H-Bang they are arguing and fighting through the window. Peaches and Ducey just got out of Ad. Seg on Thursday and now that they are back on A-Yard they are talking shit to H-Bang, wanting to know why she hasn’t got Flo yet, I guess Flo is suppose to catch H-Bang’s fade per Astro’s order. H-Bang has been sending kites over the wall saying she’s going to take care of Flo but she hasn’t and has no intention to do so. Peaches is telling H-Bang to roll up in room 28 and take care of it or Peaches is going to run it with H-Bang, all the commotion wakes everyone up. Peaches eventually leaves but I know its not over.

Our room is full of problems and it's not over I am sound asleep when I am awoken by NayNay freaking out. She is packing up all her belongings and slamming doors, lockers and yelling. I guess Missy and Jessie were at it again in the window acting childish and playing games with the girls across the hall and NayNay wasn’t feeling good and was trying to sleep, but these two couldn’t keep it down. I wake up, its dark and everyone seems to be asleep and is not saying anything. Its getting loud as NayNay is in crazy mode. She’s so loud the officer comes down to see whats going on. NayNay tells him she wants out of this room, she told him to roll her out now ! He is on 1st watch so not much he can do. He calms her down and lets her know he put a request into the sergeant and hopefully she can be moved in the morning. NayNay stopped slamming things around, but she ran her mouth yelling at Jessie and Missy for pretending to be a sleep and that they are "fucked up bitches" with no room courtesy for others and she wants to whip their ass. This went on for a while. I finally was able to fall back asleep, but with all the fights and arguing, I really need out of here. I am hoping this is my week.

Day 182 (3/23/15)

It’s Monday morning, the start of a new week. I am ready to get the week going. My routine is that I get up, exercise, and take a shower before breakfast. Today while I am in the shower, I hear all this commotion going on. Missy and Jessie are freaking out like its the end of the world. Jessie is about to start crying and Missy is yelling about hating stupid people and I keep peaking my head out to see if there's a fight going on. I thought maybe NayNay got mad and broke a window, but I see they are all in tact and no one is physically fighting so, I have no idea what the hell is going on. I get out of the shower and as I am getting dressed NayNay comes up to me and says “We have to move” I reply with “What!?! Why?” “They broke our window”. I come out and see that the window facing the yard is broken. A rock was thrown and it shattered the window. All I can ask is what the hell is going on? It was Ducey and Peaches coming back from breakfast, Ducey throws a rock at our window and shatters it. It's still intact but has to be replaced. We let our housing office know and the sergeant comes to take a look and calls in the repair. We are lucky it's Monday and that they don’t have enough beds to move our entire room, so it's getting fixed today and no one has to move. Not that I wouldn’t mind moving at this point. H-Bang sneaks out of our housing unit and waits for Ducey. As Ducey is walking back to her housing unit from medical, H-Bang walks up to her and she swings, and of course misses. H-Bang is twice Ducey’s size but is slow and Ducey is quick and I have come to the conclusion that H-Bang can’t really fight !  She may be BIG, but she can’t fight. The two of them go at, it goes to the ground and the cops finally walk up and its over. They get handcuffed, taken to the sergeants office, issued 115’s and get sent back to their housing units. This war is just beginning. We were just told at our window that "If you don’t want blood in your room we better roll her out", her being H-Bang. This is now starting to get out of hand and I don’t want any part of it. Can I please get off this yard this week.

Day 183 (3/24/15)

No rocks today, instead we start our morning off with a fight. On our way to breakfast, we are walking out of our housing unit and here comes Peaches. She was waiting for H-bang, she walks around the corner and right up to H-Bang and she punches her in the face. They start fighting and the next thing we know, H-Bang's shirt comes off and she’s not wearing a bra, so she is standing there topless. They stop fighting and Peaches walks away and gets down with the rest of us as the alarm is going off. As the cops come up, H-Bang is standing there, boobs hanging out hollering about “lets go, come on, I swear on West Side Hoover” It was a sight! The cops hand H-Bang her shirt, handcuff her and Peaches and off to the sergeants office they go. We continued to breakfast and all anyone could talk about was the boobs, “it was like a photo out of National Geographic”. We get back to our room after breakfast and Missy is already trying to move her girlfriend into H-Bang’s bed assuming another fight would get her moved out. I am super irritated, but I don’t engage because I’ll just get angry and I’ll deal with it only if H-Bang doesn’t come back. I am sure she will be back and she was she got another 115 (that makes 3) and she would have only been moved if they called "enemies" on each other. I guess H-Bang hit Peaches in the face with her cup and this fight is still not over. H-Bang is running scared now, she did not go outside to program at all today and on the way to dinner she wore a bra and brought her "lock in the sock" with her to dinner. In case they came at her again, she's ready. This is getting ridiculous, I have to ask myself sometimes is this real?

Day 184 (3/25/15)

The drama never ends, I got woken up in the middle of the night to a fight. I guess Smiley "took off" on H-Bang, then H-Bang pushed Smiley to the ground and she fell into the locker , then H-Bang hit Jessie in the head with a cup. I woke up after Jessie got hit and was yelling. NayNay jumped up and was in the middle separating H-Bang and Smiley. Next thing I know, H-Bangs hollering her normal fight routine “On my mama, West Side Hoover, I’ll take you all on” and starts swinging around her "lock in the sock" she has for protection. Oh Hell NO! Somehow NayNay puts an end to that real quick and its over just like that, H-Bang starts packing up she knows it went too far and needs to go. I lay awake for a while just hoping this is over and H-Bang really moves out. This room has been out of control for the last month ever since Ms. Dolly left and H-Bang moved in.

We get up for breakfast and its real quiet. No one is talking, we all get ready and as soon as they pop the doors, H-Bang is out the door with all her stuff. When we get back from breakfast, I get the whole story about what happened and how it all started. Then here comes Missy with moving her girlfriend in our room again. I don’t know why she was asking, she already had Jay ask to move in, WTF!?! I told her straight out that I don’t want a “couple” in this room and its not fair to the rest of us. What if you fight or break up? We shouldn’t be put in that uncomfortable situation. She tried to tell me that wouldn’t happen, but I’m not compromising on this, the answer is NO ! Then, here comes H-Bang back in our room. She tries to tell us they won’t let her move out of our room. We know this is not true because at breakfast her girlfriend down the hall told her not to move. Before we have to say or do anything, the officer comes to our room and talks to H-Bang about moving. There are two empty beds in our hall. Everything ended up working out and after lunch H-Bang officially moved out and down the hall to room 7. She is their problem now. Everyone was happy and it was a nice and quiet day. 

Later in the day, we got our new roommate, her name is Lizzy. She's 27 from San Bernardino. So far, I like my new bunkie and roommate.