Day 219-221 4/29-5/1 The Bus Ride to CIW, the next chapter begins

Day 219 4/29/14
Happy Birthday to my sister and friend! I love and miss you. Thank you for always being there for me!

I could hardly sleep last night, the anticipation of finally leaving left me restless and excited. I got my wake up call at 3:30 am, I got ready and was at R&R (receiving and release) by 4 am. There was 33 of us heading to CIW (CA Institute for Women). It was a long process in R&R, we had to get cleared, fed breakfast (peanut butter and jelly sandwich lunch), changed into muumuus, chained (wrist and ankle restraints), and then seated on the bus. It was 7 am by the time all 33 of us were on the bus, and it was almost 7:30 am by the time we actually left the prison and got on the road. They assigned us our seats so there was no choosing where you got to sit or who you sat with. I was toward the back of the bus, no window seat, and I sat with Top Model. Top Model was a runner up on the show America's Next Top Model, just shows you shit can happen to anyone. Top Model was nice. I knew her from A-yard and we got along. We are both tall so the ride was very uncomfortable for both of us.

The rules were simple, no talking when the bus was in motion. It was a very long, hot and quiet ride. We had to stop at McFarland to pick-up two more women, that stop only added to the length of the trip.We were given peanut butter and jelly lunches, we had nothing to drink so I was very dehydrated. I tried my best to sleep, but the bus was really uncomfortable so it was difficult. We finally arrived at CIW around 3 pm. Just when I thought it was almost over, the long drawn out receiving process was just getting started.

It was very hot (high 90's), I was tired, I was hungry, and I was getting a headache. We were not done in time for dinner so it was peanut butter and jelly again. We had to watch an orientation video, get our property, we had to see the doctor, we had to meet with the Sargent for housing assignments, it was just a painful slow process. As usual a lot of waiting around, the prison motto "hurry up and wait."

I was exhausted, my stomach hurt, my head hurt, I just wanted to get finished. It was 6:30 by the time we headed to our housing assignments. The campers (women endorsed to fire camp) are housed in CIW's old receiving facility, as the campers are kept separate from the general population for training. The receiving facility is old, dirty, and beat-up. The housing unit has two day rooms, 4 hallways each containing 30 (2) man cells with the cop shop (the office/bubble where the officers work/sit around) in the middle, we have are own chow hall and kitchen in the building along with a yard in the front and the Cal-Fire offices and classroom across the way. I was assigned to hall 2, room 139, as I come down the hall I am greeted by Adrian, it was so good to see her. She is only three doors down from me. Adrian helped me clean my room, gave me some clothes, found me a pair of workout shoes, and gave me the rundown of how things worked at CIW. At CIW  you no longer have to share a room with 7 women, only 1, but the best part is the windows that open so you can actually have fresh air come through your cell.

My roommate is Boxer she came on the bus with me, she is 21 and from LA. We unpacked, made our beds, showered, and off to bed. We were exhausted I was out in seconds of my head hitting the pillow. It feels good to finally be here and getting this journey started, the sooner its started the sooner its over with.

Day 220 4/30/15
Day one at CIW, I was up at 6:30 am for breakfast, orientation at 7 and out the door by 8 to pick up my state issued clothes. I didn't waste anytime, I was off to the track, went to aerobics class, and checked out some books from the library. It felt incredible to be out all day and feel productive. It also feels good to just be closer to home its still a 90 minute drive but its better than 6 hours. I got a phone call into my family, enjoyed the rec yard after dinner and am looking forward to a visit this weekend, its been 3 1/2 months since I have seen my husband and kids I can't wait. I have not felt this good in a long time.

We are out of our cells most of the day, they open the doors at 6 am for breakfast and they stay open all day. We lock down at 3:30 for count, then we have dinner and the unit is open until 8:30 pm.

Day 221 5/1/15
Today is annual TB testing in all the women's facilities so we are in lock down until everyone has been tested. I finally get here and we are in lock down, but of all the places to be locked down I'd rather it be here. They finished by 11 am and they release us from lock down, so Chris and I are the only crazy ones that go to the track and go running its 90+ out, its hot and there is no air conditioning, but I don't care just to be out feels amazing.I'm looking forward to my visit with my family this weekend.

Day 214-218 4/24-4/28 100 Days in Prison

Day 214 Friday 4/24/14
It's been officially 100 days in prison and I have survived so far. The hardest part is over, now I just need to get on that bus to CIW. Going over the wall and waiting to trans-pac is annoying, you can't settle in or get a routine going because you are leaving any day. You are a temporary resident, me moving into this room for my roommates is like having a guest you don't know crash on your couch for 1-2 weeks. Then I leave and the next guest off the street moves in. I can imagine it gets very old fast for the women that live here. I'm just a guest in their house and I understand the disruption so I am respectful of that and I think they appreciate it. I have so much respect for these women, I'm going home in a few months, serving only 13 to 15 months; these women have many years to go and some may never leave. When ever I get down I have to remind myself it can always be worse. I understand I am one of the "lucky ones", I can't imagine not having an out date and not knowing if I'll ever get one. To watch some of these women make the most of their situation is very inspiring, on the outside we take so much for granted. I took so much for granted, the loss of your freedom makes you appreciate life.

I am very thankful for my room and the roommates I have on D-Yard. Some women are not so lucky, not all the women here make the most of their time, some are miserable, others are very mean, and some are just down right crazy. The poor lady across the way got in a room with two lifers who don't allow the other roommates to be in their room at certain times (the majority of the day) they can't use the restroom at certain times, no laying on your bed except for sleeping at night, no naps, its insane. There are other rooms you are required to take 3-4 showers a day, scrub the brick walls everyday, some over the top stuff, not all rooms are so crazy but some of the stories they tell on A-yard are true. The other strange thing I had to get use to was the living in the dark, they cover the windows and never turn on the lights. They only turn the lights on during mandatory count, this is the majority of all the rooms. I finally realized that its so the officers can't see in the room when they walk by and do their checks. D-Yard is just strange, I can't wait to get out of here. I have grown on my new roommates, especially Blue who was determined to get me a courtesy bed move this weekend but she has now reconsidered. I know she won't admit but I think she is starting to like me.

Day 215 Saturday 4/25/14
I have been enjoying my first few days, being able to be outside most of the day is amazing. I have made friends with Chris my new workout partner, she came over the wall with me and lives in my housing unit, so we eat together, workout, and hang out during the day. She is going to Fire Camp as well, she is from San Diego, is 39 and a mom of two just like myself so we hit it off right away.

We had our Saturday and Sunday all planned out, a weekend outside all day and go figure it rains and to top it off they are short staffed. Back to modified program, I finally get "over the wall" and I am not only stuck inside but I have to be in my room all day. I had a morning phone call and so did Chris after our phone calls to our family we both sat in the day room together and talked for hours, the officer didn't even care he let us stay out there until shift change. It ended up being a nice Saturday and the time went by quick. Chris and I have a lot in common and its really nice to meet someone with the same goals and work ethic. I am thankful we met and are going to camp together.

Day 216 Sunday 4/26/14
The rain has passed, it was beautiful outside, and I enjoyed the sun all day. After I returned from evening yard they were passing out dukats and I got my trans-packing dukat! Super excited I am off to R&R (receiving and release) tomorrow to pack my belongings and will be heading to CIW on Wednesday.

Day 217 Monday 4/27/14
I was up early, off to breakfast and back to my room to pack. I was at R&R by 8am with all my belongings. There were a lot of us, not only were they trans-packing for tomorrows bus to Folsom, our bus to CIW on Wednesday, they were busy with property boxes as well. It took a few hours to get seen and packed but it feels good to know I am two days from leaving.

Day 218 Tuesday 4/28/14
I said goodbye to Sam this morning at breakfast as she is on her way to Folsom today. I am thankful for the extra week we got to spend together and that I got to actually say good-bye this time. I enjoyed the rest of my day working out with Chris, getting ready for Fire Camp. I got my dukat, I'm officially leaving tomorrow morning at 4am, I am so ready!

Day 212 4/22/15 D-Yard

Day 212  4/22/15
I went "over the wall" last night, I am no longer in receiving. I left A-Yard (receiving) and am now on D-Yard. D-Yard is where they send the overflow, due to the overcrowding they need beds in receiving so they move us out of receiving and into overflow while we wait for transportation. You usually go over the wall to over flow when you are scheduled for the next bus to CIW, Folsom, or McFarland. The standard wait in overflow can be 1 to 2 weeks, I heard others have waited 3-6 weeks (usually due to medical holds or other issues). I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am out of here in a week.

D-Yard is where they house the long timers, most of the women have 15 years or more, many have life, including L-WOP's (Life without parole). I met my roommates, two are serving life sentences, one has 10 months left on her 15 year sentence, two are doing 10 years and one with 5 years left on her 8 year sentence. The one with only 8 is here because she got caught at CIW with cell phones and picked up new charges that gave her an additional 2 years. Then there is Bee and she is in overflow waiting to go Folsom. I make 8 and this is a 7 person room, Blue my bunkie does not like to have a bunkie she is a lifer and this is her room, she has been down over 20 years so what she says goes or you move out. They are not really happy I have moved in but they are not mean, well except for Tiny she totally hates me and is seriously crazy, she seems to fight with everyone in the room so I am not taking it personal.

When you are on A-Yard you hear all these crazy stories about when you go over the wall there are lifers that will make you pay rent, scrub the bricks, not allow you in your room at certain times, all kinds of stuff, some of it is true but as Blue went over the room rules I got assigned a pretty normal room, the rules are basic respectful rules. I am super clean so that is easy, I'm quite, keep to myself and Blue hates "couch potatoes" no problem there because I hate sitting around and being stuck inside. I will be outside every minute I get. The best part of being on D-yard is the yard opens at 9 am and I can stay out all day long.

Receiving is a dump, because it is not permanent housing, so it is not taken care of and you are not allowed any amenities. On D-yard the rooms are much nicer, more kept up and cleaner. We have outlets, light switches (we can control our own lights), the mattresses are double the size, and we have pillows.My roommates have TV's and radios, we also have a table and chair in our room, the floors have epoxy on them rather than hard cold concrete. We get to use the phone everyday, we can do are own laundry once a week and my favorite we get to go outside in the evenings after dinner.

There are 4 housing units on D-yard each houses 256 women a total of 1024 of us on D-yard, we are not separated or segregated by security levels all levels are housed together, low level ones are housed with high level fours. They open the yard around 9 or 10 am you can go outside or be in the day room (day room has tables, TV's, benches, and phones). A majority of the women go to school or work during the day, I was actually surprised by how many don't work or go to school (it is due to their security level). The yard closes at 3:30 and we all lock down for mandatory count at 4 pm, then we have dinner At dinner they don't rush you out of the chow hall in under 15 minutes, you can stay and eat. The food is the same but you get larger portions (but I actually  think the trays are just bigger). Then the day room opens back up around 6-6:30 pm and the yard opens from 7-8:30 pm.

First things first we got new clothes, no more oranges. I never want to wear orange again. Over the wall you are in blues, light blue shirts, jean pants, blue sweatshirts and state issued tennis shoes. They are much nicer and more comfortable than the oranges in receiving. You can also order and wear your own clothes, shorts, t-shirts, sweat pants.

I spent my first day outside with a couple girls I met that came over the wall with me yesterday, that live in my housing unit. I got a phone call into my family, that call was incredible I had only been dying to make it for over a month! Then I spent the evening walking and talking with my friend Sam.

The days definitely go by a little faster over the wall. Now I am just waiting for that trans-packing dukat, (my notice that I am on the next bus out of here). I have been endorsed to Fire Camp so I will be going to CIW (California Institution for Women in Corona CA) for training.

Days 206-211 4/16/15-4/21/15 "Baby Case" & "Over the Wall"

Day 206 4/16/15

No one left today, but we did receive some new bodies and unfortunately one of the women that arrived was a "baby case" (Child Endangerment / Child Abuse) and before she even moved into her assigned room she got into a fight and had to be moved to unit 503 (the two man cells). This woman has a long road ahead of her if they already know she's a baby case. They are going to make her life miserable, and unlike the men’s prisons, the women don’t have the option to PC up (protective custody). Your only option is to go to Ad Seg. (Administrative Segregation) and do your time in the dungeon. That means no programming, one hour outside a day in a cage (like an animal), all meals in your cell, a shower every other day (and if you elect to shower they raid your cell while you shower so most skip the showers and choose to bird bath instead) and 23 hours of lockdown. Solitary confinement, it’s a horrific way to do your time. She’s better off taking her chances in general population, either way she has a long road ahead of her.

Day 207 4/17/15

Even though the new woman with the "baby case" was moved to 503 yesterday and she got attacked again coming back from breakfast. Evil was in the med line, saw her walking back from breakfast and ran up on her. They started fighting in the middle of the yard. Two fights in less than 24 hours of your arrival, Welcome to Prison!

Today is a big day for handing out muumuu’s to go over the wall, as they are handing them out I realize there are none coming to room 4. I am upset and disappointed again. I really wanted to be out of here before my husband’s birthday next week so I could call him, but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. As I am trying to be strong and pull myself together to push through another weekend, it hits me like a ton of bricks my friend Sam is leaving, the one person I met here that I trust, that I consider a friend, the only one I could see myself talking to and seeing when we are out of here is leaving. I am devastated. I am so happy for her but I am a wreck. Who am I going to have breakfast with every morning, or share books with, or talk to during evening program, my friend is gone! It was so hard to see her go, we said good-bye through the window, I could hardly talk as I was fighting back the tears. Wishing Sam the best!

Day 208 4/18/15

The full moon was out tonight, and I guess it makes the women here crazier than they normally are. We had a fight during dinner, another after dinner outside the chow hall and a third one in front of our unit.

Day 210 4/20/15

I’m still waiting!!! This week’s lesson is Patience. You would think I would have learned some by now, but no I have not.

“Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes like meaningful.”

Day 211 4/21/15

Happy Birthday to my incredible husband, who has held our family together during this turbulent time in our lives; he is an amazing man, super dad, and wonderful husband. His love and support has kept me strong over the last 211 days, Happy Birthday to my best friend and soul mate!

Today was the day, they handed out 22 muumuus and I got one of them! I can’t believe it, the day I have been waiting for has arrived, what a birthday present for my husband, its been a long 97 days in receiving and it’s finally over.

They handed out muumuus late so we are not going over the wall until after dinner. My roommates drive me crazy sometimes, but they are all good women and I will miss them. I’m a little nervous but my excitement and happiness to be one step closer is much more overpowering. I’m packed, my roommates helped me, and I’m off. We say our goodbyes and I walk across A-Yard (receiving) for the very last time. It’s a process as we haul all our stuff to D-Yard, we have to wait for the officers to take role, we all have to go through the metal detectors, then the long walk across the prison to go through a final metal detector and get out housing unit. By the time we get to D-yard and our housing units it’s almost 8:30pm.

As I am walking to my housing unit the inmates are outside for evening and I am greeted with a big hug and huge smile from my friend Sam. I am so happy to see her. I get my room assignment; meet my new roommates, who are not happy they now have an 8^th person in their room, I unpack quickly and I’m off to bed, it is the start of the next part of my journey.

Days 199-205 4/9/15-4/15/15 "Tax Day"

Day 199 4/9/15

A big bus from LA arrived today, so lots of movement. They sent 25 women over the wall (move from the receiving yard to overflow to wait for transportation or committee). They have to move women to overflow to open up the beds for the new arrivals. I was not one of the 25 women and as I walk the yard its depressing as I see all these new faces and very few familiar ones.

Day 200 4/10/15

It’s been 200 days of waiting! Waiting to be transferred from county jail to prison, waiting to leave reception and “go over the wall”, then I’ll wait for transportation, and then again wait to see committee. This is such a long slow process. I am tired of waiting.

Day 203 4/13/15

Still Waiting!

Day 204 4/14/15

90 days officially in receiving. I’m over it and so ready to go. There are days I feel like I am losing my mind. I can’t wait to get out of here.

Day 205 4/15/15

Tax Day! As you pay your taxes know a big portion of your hard earned tax dollars help to pay for the mass incarceration rate and prison boom in America. With 2.2 million Americans incarcerated its costing tax payers a lot. On average it costs $50,000 a year per inmate in the state of California. This is a lot of money that could be spent to better use like education, health care, roads, libraries, public parks & beaches. This is money that could be spent on resources for the poor, addicted, and mentally ill. It’s astounding with less than 5 percent of the world’s population we hold nearly 25 percent of its prisoners. Don’t let the rehabilitation fool you, our criminal justice system is a long way away from actually rehabilitating inmates and helping them to not re-offend. Currently it’s just a lot of talk about reform and rehabilitation and very little action. As you mail in that check to Uncle Sam today take a minute and think about, is our government spending your hard earned tax dollars wisely?

Days 194-198 (4/4/15-4/8/15) Rule #12 "I Didn't See Anything"

Day 194 and 195 4/4/15 - 4/5/15

Another weekend to power through so I can get to Monday and hope I get out of here. We got our program time in this morning, but C and D were not so lucky, 5 minutes into the start of their program the alarm is going off. There was a fight in 501. They haul out the girls in handcuffs and resume back to normal program. Then Mala whose girlfriend Evil (who just moved in next door) is outside our window, Mala and her girlfriend are now on opposite program times so Mala is freaking out in a jealous rage. She is a total psycho and a real catch; rule #1: Don’t get a girlfriend! After she finished her crazy tirade outside our window she returns to the yard and gets into a fight. These two are going at, and as the cops get there they let them fight giving them a ton of chances to stop but they don’t so out comes the pepper spray. That puts an end to the fight and everyone’s program time. Only 30 minutes in and the yard is recalled (recall-have to go back into our rooms).

Sunday is Easter so to get in the spirit we made Easter baskets out of lunch boxes, and dyed Easter eggs using soap and Kool-aide. I was prepared to stay in all day because of the holiday, I figured we would be on first watch status (1st watch is the shift from 10pm-5am, with only one officer on duty), but I was pleasantly surprised with our 3 hours of yard time today.

Day 196 4/6/15

Monday the start of a new week, please let this be my week! I told myself I wasn’t going to think about it, but that is easier said than done. I had an appointment today, that was a nice escape but when I got back, I walked in to my roommates talking about rolling Nay Nay out of our room. (Rolling Out-you are either told to move out of the room or they pack your shit and throw it out of the room, basically you are looking for a new place to sleep) My roommates have not been getting along with her lately and the tension has been building up. I just stay out of it, because it’s too much drama. I just want to get off this yard. Jessie and Lizy decided to switch beds to make Nay Nay mad; this is only going to bring more tension to our room. We will see how this turns out.

Day 197 4/7/15

Well I am still here! Just waiting! My friend Helen from San Diego finally left today, after 17 weeks and 118 days in receiving she is finally on her way!

Day 198 4/8/15

The tension in the room finally erupted. I’ve been a little depressed lately so I’ve been really quiet and to myself just trying to patiently get through the waiting. I don’t really know all the details of what is going on except that some of my roommates were talking about Nay Nay at breakfast and she found out or overheard them. So when we all returned from breakfast she decided to call them out. The screaming match started, it was so lame I just ignored them and got my laundry ready. I am days from leaving and I don’t have time for this BS. Then it escalated from yelling at each other to getting physical. First it was Nay Nay and Lizy that fought. Then more screaming and arguing and next up were Nay Nay and Jessie started to go at it. Nay Nay is on the ground I think she blacked out for a minute, there is so much commotion going on the porters come down the hall to see what was going on. With the porters there, I got them to open the door and as soon as that door clicked open I grabbed my laundry and got out of there and I didn’t look back. They can fight it out all they want, but I want off this yard, and my priorities are getting home to my family. I’m not picking up new charges, I’m not going to be a witness (Rule #12 “I didn’t see anything”), and I am not getting a 115 because these girls cannot get along. (115-is a write-up and depending on the offense you can lose your good time credits). Smiley is still in receiving because of a big fight in her room she’s been on this yard for 10 months.

I went outside and stayed outside as long as I could. I was gone a good forty minutes before I headed back to my unit with my laundry. When I got back to my housing unit, ISU (Investigations Service Unit) was there raiding room 7 in our hall (H-Bang’s new room). The drug dogs were there, they tore that room up (mattress and all). We waited in the day room until they were done with the raid. They didn’t find anything, they talked to everyone is room 7 and then left. It is said that someone saw H-Bang crush up a Tylenol with codeine and sniff it. Someone snitched about drugs in that room and that is what brought on the raid. Once I got back to my own room the fighting was done and over with. We will see how long that will last.  

Day 189 -193 3/30/15- 4/3/15 The Waiting Game, Will I ever get out of receiving?

Day 189 3/30/15

Start of a new week, this is week 3; I should be out of receiving this week. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Happy Birthday to Whitney! Today is our roommate’s birthday, we made her a card and a cheesecake (graham crackers, sugar, creamer, and sierra mist) you would be surprised what you can do and make with creamer. After dinner we played some old fashioned birthday games. We made her day as she has not heard from her family and it’s been 5 weeks here. It’s a small percentage of women who have the love and support of family and friends while incarcerated. I know I am very fortunate and I am very grateful for my family.

Day 190 3/31/15

Today is a holiday, Cesar Chavez day, surprisingly we are fully staffed today, must be the  extra holiday/overtime pay the officers get that they decided to show up for work for once.

Day 191 4/1/15

Today is April fool’s day, you can’t ever believe what anyone in orange says around here, but you really can’t believe them today. Some of the porters thought it would be funny to hand out muumuus as a joke. I didn’t find the joke funny at all; women are stuck in receiving for 3-6 months just dying to get off this yard. The entire process of waiting for a muumuu is torture; you get your hopes up everyday just to be disappointed again and again. The odds are never in your favor, there are 3-10 muumuus given out with 256 women in the unit, it’s like the lottery you want to win so badly but you are more likely to be struck by lightning than winning. Women wait weeks for a muumuu, 6, 7, 8 weeks after seeing their counselor and everyday they wait and hope it’s their turn to leave just to be let down day after day. It’s cruel and unusual punishment; this whole process is pure torture. We all eventually leave receiving the question is when!?!

My friend Piggy from San Diego left today, she's been here 112 days, she’s finally off to Folsom.

Day 192 4/2/15

Officially 3 weeks since I saw my counselor, I was really hoping today was my day to go, but I’m still here. Another day of disappointment. I just want to be able to see and talk to my family, I want to be productive with my time, receiving sucks and they leave us in limbo for way to long. Today was bittersweet as Adrie left today, she had been in receiving for 113 days (7 weeks after she saw her counselor) she needed to go, she deserved to go, but I will miss her as she was my fire camp workout partner. We pushed each other; vented to each other, supported each other and now she’s gone. I hope to see her soon; maybe we will end up at the same camp.

Day 193 4/3/15

Today was a rough day; I expected to be out of receiving by now. I tried not to get my hopes up to high, but it’s hard not to. It’s hard being so far away, with no phone contact, no visits with my family for almost three months now. I’m so ready to go, and one of the girls I came up here with from San Diego just saw her counselor on Monday March 30th and left for fire camp yesterday. What an unbelievable painfully slow process this is. I'm still waiting!