So hard to not give up some days.....

As a husband of an ex-felon, there are still tough days. You would think the days of the loneliness when my spouse was incarcerated would be gone. But, the loneliness still shows up. It probably sounds weird, but it's true. Could it be the struggle we go through now ? That piece that's missing that was there before she went away ? Maybe. Could it be our lives are still being affected by her being incarcerated, as in struggles for employment ? Maybe.
I have been told that I need to try and let the past go, but damn that's hard. "Look forward, be happy, look to the future". How many years of therapy are we talking here ?
This isn't meant to be a "downer" of a post, but a reality of a loved one and a family that has gone through being in prison. She's been home for about 4 years now and it's still tough. Like I mentioned, there are reminders all around us.
You know, when my Wife was gone, all I could think about was making sure our kids were ok. That was my number one priority. I didn't care about myself. My Wife was my second priority. I was always so worried about her and did everything I could do to make sure she was ok. Maybe it's time to think about myself. But, that's not so easy. I really am curious if there are other spouses that feel this way. The depression from the past can be so rough. It zaps your motivation . I was so strong getting my family through this, but now I feel a shell of that person.
This is my reality of being the spouse of an ex-felon who happens to be the love of my life.

Parole, Probation, Restitution......and Background checks

I decided to blog about this subject because it affects so many people, including my own family. When a person has made a mistake and is incarcerated, they pay their dues with time. But, they also pay for years after release with parole, probation, restitution etc. But, they also pay with background checks. It’s the luck of the draw in some cases. It can damage families bad. You apply for jobs, get some calls, and maybe get an interview. Sometimes there are 2-3 interviews for that one job you want so bad. Everything sounds great ! You get offered the job pending the background check. Fingers crossed, stress and anxiety. Then you get the email saying basically you've failed the background and thanks but no thanks. This is usually 4-6 weeks after you started the process. Bills coming in and rent due. Living this life is extremely tough and stressful. Tears marriages and families apart. When is enough, enough ? A non-violent offense with incarceration. No threat to "society". 

Parole and probation want you working. So, how does that work ? Even when you've been out of prison for 3 years, you still struggle to get a decent job because of that background check. If you got lucky and had been working for say 2 years after incarceration and get laid off. You start over with the fear of the background check. Even though you've proven yourself. Also, sometimes you have to make the choice of eating or paying your restitution. Don't pay your restitution, guess where you get to go back to ? Yep, behind bars. There has to be a better way. That's easy to say. Prison population has barely changed. ALL California prison populations are over 100% capacity. Some well over that. It seems that prison reform has once again fallen by the way side. The powers that be make way too much money in the prison system to really "reform" it and you know what they say about money.....the root of all evil.