It’s Saturday Morning. Saturdays mean the weekend for most people, but in here, it’s just another day. All the days are the same. Really, the only days to really care about are laundry day, commissary, and what’s on the menu for that day. Thursdays are chocolate cake with dinner day (only day I east dessert) and Sunday's breakfast is scrambled eggs with chirizo (the only breakfast I eat and look forward to).
No inspection today, so that means inspection tomorrow. We got off easy because I don’t think this deputy will be back. Too bad, I really liked her.
I had an amazing visit with my Husband and Son last night. I actually laughed and had a good time with my Son. He showed off his new shoes he bought with his birthday money. Really cool black high tops ! We laughed our butts off at a funny story I shared with him. He did some tricks for me wit his new Kendama (wood toy with a wooden ball attached to a string). It was a really good time. I love seeing my boys. My visits always put me in a good place. This week started really rough on Monday, but everyday there after got better and I kept my head up.
I got a trip to medical today. I had a mandatory psych evaluation to make sure I was doing ok. I got to leave, not only my cell, but the housing unit ! I got a wonderful stroll outside. It felt great to be walking around outside. I need to go to medical more often ! You get to sit in a nice, peaceful, open waiting room with a TV. Medical was a treat from the nightmare I live in. When I talked to the doctor, I told her I was fine, that lockdown was hard, but I was fine. Mental Health Housing is one man cells, 24 hour lockdown. NO thank you ! I am just fine with my 20+ hours a day lockdown. No medical assistance needed here ! I also turned down meds that they seemed eager to pass out. Sure, I would like something to help me just sleep away the time, but I want to be the same person I was when I get out of here. My Husband and kids need the same Wife and Mom that said goodbye to them on 9/23 to come back home. Not some doped up zombie, so I will fight everyday on my own not to get wrapped up in that world. I promised my family I will come back the same woman but even stronger. My only regret leaving medical was not asking about moving housing units for medical reasons. Might have to consider that next time.
Before dinner, I asked the deputy about becoming an inmate worker. I would have been picked and working already, but because I am a DOC (Dept. of Corrections) Transfer, I am not eligible. Transfer means that I am basically on hold there, then I’ll go to receiving, then off to a work camp or State Prison. Anyway, I thanked the deputy and walked away quickly so I didn't cry. I figured that was going to happen, but I had to give it a try and give it everything I had. I am really out of options. I am stuck here, in this unit until I am transferred. I am not sure if I can do two more months of this. It’s pure torture. I am really going to think about what to do next. I am proud of myself, the news was disappointing and I did cry, but I let it pass and moved on. I didn’t let the news devastate me or get me too depressed. So, I am definitely moving in the right direction and staying strong. That’s all I can so, just keep staying strong.
This evening, there was a new Stephen King movie on Lifetime called “Big Driver” they have been advertising for weeks. Well, everyone wanted to watch it, but we always have to split the night. So, that’s 30 minutes each for each tier and the movie is 2 hours. The bottom tier got the first shift. I was glad because the movie started at 8pm, so we would get to see the majority of it. But, the girls downstairs convinced the deputy to let us all watch the entire movie. The deputy announced we are watching a movie, if there were any problems, we were all on lockdown the rest of the week. She’s here, but if we do well and behave, we can all be out for the full three hours tomorrow. I am hoping no one blows it !
Well, there’s always one bad apple in the bunch. First she was irritated because the bottom tier got an extra hour, so she’s popping off about that. Sure it sucks, but be grateful for what we do get. Most of the deputies don’t even give us a chance. Nor do they give us more than an hour. This is a great opportunity. The girl goes outside, while the majority of us are now enjoying the movie. Well, the same girl ends up at the window. She says she was just messing around, but the deputy told her to get away from the window. There’s no communicating to other inmates in other housing units. That’s a really big no no here. The deputy only warned her to get away from the window and don’t attempt to communicate to the other inmates in the housing across the way. All she had to do was walk away, but no, she gets all mouthy and dis-respectful. She is popping off about how she wasn’t trying to communicate with anyone. Blah, blah, blah. I am dying inside. I want to yell at her and say “Shut the hell up ! You’re going to screw this up for all of us. You may not care, but I do !” She didn’t need to run her mouth like that, with her nasty bad attitude. The deputy only sent her to her cell. Lockdown ! Dumb mistake ! The rest of the night was quiet and enjoyable. The best part was when the deputy not only wrote her up, but also moved her downstairs for a 2 day lockdown. Serves her right. Will they ever lean to just shut up and do what your told ?
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