Another day passes. I've been learning to handle things better. I have a pretty good routine now. By myself. I feel lucky to at least hear my Wife's voice daily. I know that will be changing shortly. Once she's moved to receiving, I heard that can be a while before we hear from her. Some days, when I'm alone, it will hit me like a ton of bricks. I wonder how the hell am I going to do this. I may even breakdown for a while, but I always get back up. It's definitely not easier, just getting stronger.
It's hardest when I'm at the kids games. Softball, soccer, basketball. Everyone knows my Wife, none of them know what has happend. Yet. I have been asked where she is and I know the kids have been asked too. "Oh she had to work, she's out of town, she didn't want to come". Sometimes you wish you could just say it, but no way I would risk anything being said to my kids. So, we'll just keep with the standard responses. I know it's got to bother my kids to look around and know Mom's not there. She was always there. She was the perfect sports Mom. Always involved. On snack days, no one better ! I just did my first snack day for my Son's soccer team. Did pretty good, but man did I miss my Wife. But, I knew she would be so proud of me.
Family continues to be strong. Everyone seems to have a role. Some more than others, but that's just how it is. I am happy and thankful for whatever or how much support is given. There are so many people incarcerated that have nothing or no one. When I checked in for a video visit with my Wife, I saw a young woman crouched down on the street corner looking scared and cold. She had just gotten out. She had nothing. There has got to be a way to help these women. Otherwise, you know where she'll end up. I am so sure once my Wife gets out, she will try to make a difference and I'll be there right by her side to help her.
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