Day 84 (12/15/14) "Been here long Enough"

Another week down and the start of a new week. 10 days until Christmas. The time seems to have picked up a little. Just looking for it to fly by and look forward to heading home. Had a wonderful visit with my awesome Husband and handsome Son today. It was a great visit ! It was a little sad, because this could be my last visit for a while. We all hugged and shed some tears as we said goodbye this time. I’m planning on being transferred to receiving tomorrow, but I don’t know for sure. My case has been all wrapped up and I have no more court appearances. There is no more reasons for me to stay here any longer. The anticipation is killing me. I’m ready to get this over with. I hate to have to say goodbye and prepare every week. We will see what tomorrow brings. 

Tonight after dinner, one of the girls got released two days early and then an hour later, one of the Mom’s to be, got released. He due date was December 13th. She was holding that baby in, hoping to go home before he was delivered. Her original release date was early April, but her attorney said it could be any time and her time was tonight. That was really good to see. Now she can have her baby. The baby’s Dad can be there, family and friends, and she won’t be away from her baby at all. She will be home with her family, right where she needs to be. It was very exciting ! Everyone was so happy for her. Everything happens for a reason ! I can’t wait to be able to go home to my family. 

Day 83 (12/14/14) Contraband

Up early today for inspection. I pass every week with flying colors, but this week I get busted for too many emails. I have kept every email I have received since I’ve been in here (178 to be exact). The rule is you can have no more than 20. In the last 12 weeks it has never been an issue, until today. So, I asked the deputy if I can just release them to my Husband, fill out an outgoing property slip and have him pick them up ? I need him to anyhow before I get transferred. She told me “no”. She said that they don’t release property anymore. That didn’t make sense to me, but I wasn’t going to argue. I still passed inspection and she was nice enough to let me go through the ones I wanted to keep, but had to throw the rest away. I was thankful for that because she could have just confiscated it all and tossed it all out. It was a little irritating and frustrating because really they are concerned about too many emails ? What about the drugs being smuggled in here ? The pills being hoarded, the medications being sold. The food being smuggled in from the chow hall. One lady brought back in 8 apples and 6 bags of carrots. She sold half of them. How about the newspaper hoarding ? The contraband and all the extras these women have and hide ? Isn’t that what inspection should be about ? Why in the world would they tell you when the inspection is going to be ? I don’t understand. What’s the point ? It seems like a waste of time. You’re giving the inmates time to hide their extras, food, meds, and contraband. They also call it a hygiene inspection. Basically to insure your cell is clean and you’re not hoarding. Yet, we have an old lady than has been here longer than I have (I have been in this housing unit for 5 weeks). She never leaves her cell, never showers, never exchanges laundry, never cleans, just sits or sleeps on her bed. She comes out for dinner and sometimes for lunch. Everyone avoids her like the plague, yet the deputies don’t do anything about it. She’s failed inspection the past two weeks and they just lock her down. She needs to be moved out of this unit. She’s taking a bed up than could be used for someone who actually wants to program and participate. The inconsistency of the deputies and the rules here, drive me crazy ! I’m hoping today is my last inspection. 

Had a visit this afternoon with my beautiful Daughter and my Dad. My Dad is visiting all the way from Florida for the holidays. t was good to see them both. The visit brightened my day, especially since the Chargers didn’t win today !  Another day down.   

Day 82 (12/13/14) Medical Denied

Had a facility lockdown last night. We got out at 7pm and 35 minutes later, we had to lockdown. I am really tired of this facility and the lockdowns. It’s time for me to go and get my sentence over with. I’ve been waiting to go to receiving for too long. I hope to be leaving in 4 days. 

One of the girls was really upset this morning. She has a brain tumor and needs to have surgery. She’s been waiting over two months for approval to have it done. She just went to the clinic to see the doctor and the doctor didn’t understand why the surgery had not been done or wasn’t at least scheduled. They looked into it and found out the San Diego Sheriff’s Department denied the surgery. They don’t want to have to pay for it, so the doctor has to treat her, because it can’t be ignored. So, he put her on a chemo pill to try and break down the tumor. She was really upset and angry. She has four months on her sentence and needs that surgery. In County Jail, you’re at the mercy of the County. Does the county pay for the surgery or pay the lawsuit if something happens to her because they denied her medical treatment ? 

Interesting info on medical neglect:

1. Do California inmates have a right to health care?

Inmates have a right to health care under the Eighth Amendment constitutional right against cruel and unusual punishment.

It is not a right to the best possible health care. But it is a right to at least that level of health care that a civilized society would think necessary.

"The United States Constitution does not require that the state provide its inmates with state-of-the-art medical and mental health care, nor does it require that prison conditions be comfortable," wrote one three-judge panel that carefully examined medical conditions in California's prisons.

"California must simply provide care, sufficient to prevent the unnecessary and wanton infliction of pain or death."

Sadly, the CDCR has fallen woefully short of that requirement, resulting in enormous suffering and death:

A significant number of inmates have died as a result of the state's failure to provide constitutionally adequate medical care. As of mid-2005, a California inmate was dying needlessly every six or seven days.

Taken from:

http://www.shouselaw.com/jail-medicalnegligence.html

Day 81 (12/12/14) "Not much shocks me anymore"

Went to court today. This trips not as enjoyable as the last bus ride. I had AM court and had to leave at 4:40am. I had breakfast, got ready, and walked to transportation. There were 9 women in the holding cell, 3 were sleeping, and 5 were talking away. There were 3 conversations going on. Super loud, it was a freaking hen fest in there. Then some of them were singing (not very well). I couldn’t get out of there or away from them fast enough. We got on the bus, it was packed, and I couldn’t hear the radio. Once we got to the courthouse, it was off to the court holding cell.  There was only 5 of us now, but we got the nasty, dirty girl who was kicking drugs. She asked if she could lean on me to sleep. My answer in my head was “Hell no ! Are you kidding me !? Did you really just ask me that !?” I respond with “No, you can use the wall right there to lean on”, trying to be as nice as possible. Another girl told her she could lay down on the floor. I didn’t care what the hell she did, as long as it was away from me. She just wreaked of sweat, pee, and shit. Coming down from heroin. All the poison coming out of her body. 

After sitting in the holding cell for 2 hours listening to these women’s stories and cases was interesting, sad, and made me angry. I mean, wrong place, wrong time, selling themselves to feed the family, hooked on drugs, bad boyfriend. I’ve seen so much in the past 81 days, it’s crazy. Not much shocks me anymore. I’ve become, as my Husband says, immune to the toughest times, the toughest situations, and tough people. He worries that I will be a changed person. I tell him no way, but he says how can I not be. It will take time to “come back” to my family, but I will. 

I saw the judge and got done in time to make it on the 11am bus and was back to the housing unit. Now, it’s time to prepare and get ready to be transferred to receiving. Sure hope it’s soon. 

It’s amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday.        

Days 79 & 80 (12/10-12/11/14) Repeat Offenders "Frequent Flyer"

Day 79 (12/10/14)

The prison bus came last night. Helen and Piggy got transferred. I was a little down they left, not because I wanted to go with them. But,more of, if they didn’t go, I knew we would all be going the next week. Now it’s a guessing game. I could go next Tuesday, the following Tuesday, or 4 weeks from now. It’s the unknown that drives me crazy. I’m a planner so, this “maybe going” or “maybe not going” is killing me. For security reasons, they don’t tell you when you will be transferred (county to receiving). The prison bus comes on Tuesdays. Sometimes every week, sometimes every other week. You don’t know until that night after 10pm when they have you roll up and transfer you in the middle of the night. The only way my family will know is when I stop calling. It’s hard to have to prepare to say goodbye every week. I am hoping it happens quickly, as to not put myself or my family through the agony and torment of the waiting and guessing. 

Thought of the Day: If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine. 

Day 80 (12/11/14)

Happy Birthday to my Sister ! 

Today’s inspiration comes from my 12 year old Son who emailed me “Don’t Stop Believin’, I will always keep believin’ in you, love Son” I am one lucky and proud Mama to have been blessed with two very amazing and special children ! 

Today is the first day I have seen someone go home and return. One of the ladies in our housing unit went home 4 weeks ago in early November and today she’s back. I know it happens often, but after 80 days, it’s the first time I have seen it. Usually when a “newbie” walks in the door, someone knows them. Whether it’s from the streets or they did time together. Lots of repeat offenders in here or “frequent flyers”. It’s hard for me to comprehend. I never want to come back here. I don’t want to know people as they walk in here. I don’t want to have the menu memorized, know the deputy’s schedules, reminisce about stories from the old jail, or when I went to prison. That’s all I hear about all day long. I wouldn’t be proud to be a “frequent flyer” or a jail “know it all”. That’s what I call them. They think they know everything and anything about jail, prison, and court. Some even try to give legal advice. It's ridiculous and most of it is so exaggerated, wrong, and not true. Just the other morning, one of the “know it alls” was saying how they removed eggs and Chirizo from the menu and believed it to be fact. I was wondering how she found out ? She sleeps half the day and other than meals, she never leaves the housing unit. Well, two days later, we had eggs and Chrizo. So much for being removed from the menu. This is the annoying non-sense I am subjected to on  a daily basis. 

Day 78 (12/9/14) Co-Dependent Women

My roommate’s friend “Marky”, went home last Friday. She got an email from her last night telling her “hello”, that she was doing good, staying clean, and had not gone to see her dead beat boyfriend. My roommate was very happy and decided to call her today. When she called, she told her she was so glad she didn’t go see that jerk. Marky replies “He’s laying here right next to me”. My roommate was very disappointed. Why is it when men get locked up, the women in their lives stand by their man. But, when a woman gets locked up, in a lot of incidences, the man bails on her, leaving her high and dry. Marky was in here for one month on a probation violation. She had $500 in her bank account, her boyfriend put $100 of her money on her books and blew the other $400. He never sent her one email or answered any of her phone calls. He totally blew her off. But, when he was doing 22 months, she stayed loyal, kept money on his books, and emailed him regularly. What’s wrong with that guy ? Why do women go back after being treated so poorly ? There is a young girl in here pregnant with twins. She’s 19 years old, never been in trouble in her life. She’s in here because of the crimes her boyfriend committed. She was asleep in her boyfriend’s car when he got arrested for burglary, home invasion, and multiple car break ins. She got arrested and charged as an accomplice. She is fighting the charges because she did not commit any of the crimes. Her only crime was her choice in a boyfriend. She received an email from the boyfriend’s Mother, telling her she needs to take part of the rap so her Son does not have to do 10 years. Are you kidding me ? This girl just got smart. She’s done with her boyfriend, got her case severed and will be out of here in two months. She’ll be home to have her babies. She has a good family who supports her. She can’t wait to get home, get a job, and get on with her life. I believe she will make it and she won’t be back. It’s too bad that there aren’t more women like her. Strong and with good family support. I’ve seen too many women get left behind with nothing by their “Old Man” and then just go back to them. Most of them are in here because of the men in their lives. It’s like my old roommate who’s husband had not emailed her, sent her money, or answered her calls in the 8 months she’s been in here. She didn’t know if she wanted to divorce him or maybe try and wake it work. I think they need classes and programs designed to help women be strong and independent, find an inner strength to be successful on their own without a man in their lives. I think if the system could help them more upon release, they would have more options than going back to their “Old Man”. It’s hard to see and hear. Makes me that more thankful for my wonderful Husband who supports, loves, and adores me. I am so very lucky. My Husband always told me, it’s not easy to be a good man, but life isn’t easy. The easy road isn’t always the correct road. You find the love of your life, you treat her like a Queen and you give her all of you. I am very grateful for him. 

Day 77 (12/8/14) 50 women with 50 different personalities

It’s Monday, a start of a new week. I feel like it’s going to be a good week. 

Thought of the day: Sometimes you have to let things go, so there is room for better things to come into your life. 

We had a few tiffs today. Fights over the TV, the newspaper, and cleaning. With 50 women and so many personalities, we are never going to always get along. The morning started off with two roommates fighting over when to clean their cell. One of the girls sleeps until lunch everyday and the other is up early. Well, the early bird likes to clean before lunch, but cant because her roomie is always sleeping. So, she waits to clean after lunch. The resentment of not being able to clean when she wants, has to be building up and today, she hit her breaking point. She decides she’ll clean when she wants to, so she goes in and starts cleaning. She wakes up her roommate in the process and they get into a screaming match. The early bird gets mad and wants to switch rooms. But, the grass isn’t always greener and she realizes that moving isn’t a smart move, so she backs off and doesn’t clean the room. But, she’s still mad and as she stews about it complaining to everyone that will listen, she decides “Screw it, I’ll do what I want to do and I’m cleaning now”. Then round 2 started up. They eventually cleaned their cell and by the end of the day, they had squashed their fight. 

The newspaper is a daily fight. We have people grab the newspaper and take it into their cells before anyone has read it. Then there’s “Butter”, who usually gets the paper first, let’s no one read it until she’s done and she keeps the sudoku puzzle section all day while she works on it. This really pisses people off. Now, we have “Crazy Donna” (who was transferred here from Patton State Mental Hospital) who interrogates everyone about the paper if she can’t find it to read it and once she gets it, she guards it with her life. She won’t share and she hoards it in her cell. She was reading the comics and hoarding the local section, so a woman asked to read the locals and she refused. She was “reading it”. But, she wasn’t reading it, so they argued about it. The woman attempted to pry the newspaper out of “Crazy Donna’s” hands. No luck. She left extremely frustrated. 

The TV channel selection is usually a “majority rules” selection. But, some deputies will not change the channel if people are in the middle of watching something. That’s what happened tonight. The deputy turned on the TV and Storage Wars was on. Two women sat down to watch and the deputy wouldn’t change it. So, many inmates kept complaining the entire time. “Are we really watching this ? I can’t believe someone is watching this”. Blah, blah, blah. I actually like the show and didn’t mind watching it. Plus, it was something different for a change. The thing is, the two women were nice and said you can change it at 8pm after the episode they were watching was over. Because, it was a marathon on and the deputy wouldn't change the channel if they were watching the show, they could have manipulated the TV programming all night, but they didn’t. If I don’t like what’s on TV, I’ll read a book. It’s not worth the energy getting worked up about it. The only problem I have with the TV is the women that yell “TV courtesy” when they are watching their show, but if it’s not what they want to watch and they’re not watching TV, “they” have no courtesy and get loud. It’s very irritating, selfish, and rude. I look forward to the day I’m home and I’m watching my own TV. What I want to watch, when I want to watch it, at the volume I want, and to be able to fast forward, rewind, pause, and rewind. :)