Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Day 65 (11/26/14) My Family is in Prison Too

Happy Hump Day ! This week seems to be going by quickly. Must be because of the 4 day holiday weekend coming up. I have my visit with my family tomorrow. I’m so excited, at least my Husband, Son, Daughter, and I can have 30 minutes together this Thanksgiving. I am out of my moody funk from yesterday and am in  a positive, happy state. Enjoyed some more patio time late yesterday afternoon, so I think that really helped. Talked to my family and enjoyed Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Today was a good day and went by pretty quick, until the evening shift arrived. We got out at 7pm and like usual, all the phones were full so I waited for the phones. Our deputy did razors and mail. Then, while I was sharpening my pencils, there was a call on the radio and we had to lockdown. It was only 7:25pm. The deputy said it was nothing we did , but we had to lockdown. Something was going on in the facility. My guess it was in housing unit F. She said if she got back in time, she’d let us back out. I didn’t get to call my family. I was hoping we’d get to get out, but we didn’t. We stayed on lockdown the rest of the evening. I was bummed, but handling it pretty good. I was actually glad it happened tonight instead of tomorrow. When I sat down to read my emails, I started to worry. My Husband tried to schedule our visit online this morning for Thanksgiving and it wasn’t letting him. He felt incredibly guilty. He felt he didn’t do enough to insure the visit. He was up and online at 6:20am and was thinking he should have gotten up earlier. He assumed that all the visits were full. The kids were super disappointed. He was very upset and to not get the visit was devastating. He said he would be calling the jail in the morning to see if they could help him schedule it. He was hoping it wasn’t full, because he didn’t want me to be crushed if he couldn’t get a visit scheduled. He was so stressed out, he starts thinking the worst, and his mind goes crazy. After reading this his email, I feel horrible. Because, to add to the stress and worry, I can’t call them tonight because we are on lockdown. I know this is going to add panic as they wait by the phone for me to call and the phone never rings. Of course this happens on a Wednesday. Prison transfers leave on Wednesdays at midnight. So, I am sure my Husband is worried that I could have been transferred to receiving and I feel awful as I sit in my cell and there is nothing I can do. I think to myself it will be ok. I’ll call them first thing in the morning and I am hopeful he got our visit scheduled. This whole situation is so unknown. It’s torture for my family. The have no clue what’s happening. It makes you lose your mind. Like my Husband said, my family is in prison too. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to know my family is suffering, worried, and scared. It’s not right and I know it is my actions that caused this. But, the system shouldn’t punish the innocent families. They didn’t just prosecute and sentence me, they prosecuted and sentenced my family too. We have to reform our sentence and find a better way. I found out this morning at breakfast, that we are on a non-movement lockdown. Meaning we can’t leave the housing unit, as in, we ate breakfast downstairs and not in the chow hall. I asked the deputy about visits ? She no visits today. I immediately lost my appetite and went back to bed. I cried before falling back asleep. Hoping we would at least be able to be out of our cells so I could call my family. I am so disappointed. This holiday weekend is going to be so hard. 

It may be stormy, but it never rains forever...

1 comment:

  1. That's tough. The system shouldn't be too hard on you. While it does need to apply these kinds of actions to uphold itself, I'm sure it can do that well enough to keep the punishment to the ones it deems guilty, and not let it expand to those who simply aren't. If it is to be functional about itself. Thanks for reminding us that.

    Eliseo Weinstein @ JRs Bail Bond