Day 93 (12/24/14) I was ready and said my goodbyes again.

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m still here. I did not get transferred to receiving (CCWF) last night. A little disappointed and frustrated this morning. I was ready. I was packed and said my goodbyes (again) to my family, just have to do it all again next week. 

It was a rough night. I didn’t go to sleep until after midnight and this morning was just as hard. I called my Husband to let him know I was still here. I was very upset. He helped me through it as usual. Once I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason and thought of all the positives. Like getting two more visits with my Husband and kids. Getting to call my family on Christmas morning, spending lockdown with a good roommate, and reminding myself, it could always be worse. I know people here, I have good “acquaintances”, I’m comfortable, it’s only 7 more days until the next chance to leave. I can do this, it’s not that bad. But, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, what’s the next part of this going to be like ? Will it be like Las Colinas ? Receiving is the hardest part of this whole journey. The mix of all crimes and security levels. 

I got through the day, even though Miss Miserable is back working our unit the next two days. I hope I never see her again. Negativity is infectious and I don’t like to be around it. Then, to top off the night, we were on lockdown. They were short staffed, so it was lockdown. I wasn’t expecting it tonight.  I knew Christmas we would be on lockdown, but two nights in a row really sucks and my family is waiting for my phone call tonight. 

It was difficult, but I got through the night. I think of my Husband and kids whenever I’m down. They give me the strength to make it through another day. 

Christmas Eve was always the night my Husband and I would share our gifts with each other. So much love. Plus, that would free up Christmas morning for the kids. This is the first time in 17+ years we won’t have that. I can’t even describe the feeling and I don’t want to. This will be the last one ever we’ll be apart.