Well, it’s Wednesday and I’m still here. No prison bus run last night. I am a little disappointed and upset. I was ready and prepared yesterday, had everything ready to go, said all my goodbyes, had all my letters written, and I’m here another week to do it all over again next Tuesday. To top it off, I woke up to a miserable deputy. We just had this deputy for 5 days, two weeks ago and she’s back for another 5 days this week.
I’m out of visits this week because I used them on Sunday and Monday preparing for my transfer. How am I going to get through this week ? I am so ready to go to receiving (CCWF). I walked for an hour and a half this morning after I called my Husband and let him know I was still here. Hearing his voice and exercising helped me shake my negativity. I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I think about all the positives. I get two more visits with my Husband and kids. I get to talk to them on the phone another week. I get to finish the book I was reading and I get to talk to a great friend on the phone before I get transferred. I know I can get through this week easily. I just need to keep my head up, try and stay busy, and be positive. My Husband did warn me “Be careful what you wish for, especially if it’s the unknown”.
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
Day 87 (12/18/14)
Got an email last night from my Husband telling me how very happy my Son was that I was still here. It was nice to see him smile. All he wanted was one more visit. My Husband and kids just want “one more” visit with Mama ! I just want my family to be happy and I’m glad we get another visit. I know this ordeal is really hard on my family. I hate to see my Husband and kids struggling. I did this to them. My recklessness caused irreversible pain to those I love the most. I feel guilt, pain and regret for having my family endure this nightmare, because of my poor choices.
I think of the millions of Americans that have been incarcerated. The families, the children that have been subjected to the system. They are punished as well. There has to be a better way to avoid such tragedy to the families.
Losing a family member to incarceration is a life changing event. It either tears families apart or draws them together. Too many times than not, families are destroyed and torn apart. Children lost and forgotten on the system. We need more programs and efforts toward rehabilitation. Keeping the bonds of families and children together, rather than tearing them apart. The goal should be to put a stop to crime, break the cycle, not let it continue. It’s in the best interest of society that we consider families and children of non-violent criminals before sentencing. We also need to prepare, educate, and assist these families and children as well. I come from and have the most amazing family that never turned their back on me when they probably should have with all I have put them through. I am thankful for all the love and support I have been given. I hope to share and give that same support to others.