Thursday, March 12, 2015

Day 72 (12/3/14) This is Jail, not a resort"

It’s been raining the last 2 days, so we are on a rainy day schedule. Basically, no walking to the chow hall. All our meals are brought to our housing unit. For breakfast, it’s not too bad at all, you get you breakfast and go right right back to sleep. I miss the walk outside for lunch and dinner. Other than having to stay in all day, nothing else has changed. So, it’s not bad and we need the rain and it’s supposed to clear up by the weekend. 
My roommate’s lockdown is over today, thank goodness. She’s starting to drive me crazy ! At least I can go in and out of my cell and don’t have to wait for the deputy to let me out. I’m not sure if she learned her lesson, because this morning she starts in about how she never heard back on her grievance she filed on the deputy who was mean to the old lady. It’s been past the seven days they have to respond. “I’m going to file another grievance” she says. I said to her “Do you think that’s really a good idea ? You’re in jail, this is not the time or place to “fight the fight”, especially on a minor incident. This is jail, not a resort, you’re going to get “bitch” deputies and you need to learn to deal with it and accept it. They want you to engage, so they can write you up and screw you. You have to be smarter than that. I’m not saying it’s right and I don’t agree with it, but they have the power right now. If you want to do something, document it and complain after you are no longer behind these walls. You can have an easy stay or a hard stay, it’s up to you and your actions”. She actually listened and I hope I got through to her. Only time will tell. I’m leaving in a few weeks and she’ll be on her own. She controls her own destiny and how the remainder of her stay will go. 

She has decided to stay awake today and if I have to hear the story of her Mexican Pack one more time, my head might explode ! She just won’t shut up. She is on my last nerve. One of the women going up to prison told me this afternoon, “When we get on the bus, keep your roommate away from me, I can’t handle her”. I laughed and said “Don’t worry, she’s not going up to prison with us, she’s doing a local prison term here”. She said “Thank goodness, I feel for you hearing that same story over and over again “!

I just laughed and agreed. It’s usually not too bad, because she sleeps all the time, but the last two days she’s been awake with her mouth running non-stop. Driving me bonkers ! What's sucks is, this is my life now. These are the things that I worry about now. I have no life. Junior High School all over again. I don't think about what I needed to get done at work, bills, getting my kids ready for the day, what's for dinner, groceries. Real life. Just another thing I should have thought about. The guilt I feel for my Husband and kids is now my reality. You get caught up in the BS here, but when things get quiet, your mind will remind you of what you have done and left behind. 

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