Monday, January 19, 2015

Day 51 (11/12/14) Tried to beat the system and lost

I am really struggling with sleeping. I was up at 6:30 am today, got cleaned up and did a ton of exercises. I have the cell to myself again. I’m actually a little sad, my roommate left for prison last night. She's 28, but looks like she’s 18. She’s just a baby, so young and off to prison for the first and hopefully last time. She got 2 years, but after all her time served, she has a year, if that. So, she’ll be home soon. She couldn’t sleep, they come and pick you up at midnight. She was really nervous, I gave her some tips that I was going to use myself. I told her she was going to be ok and she was going to make it. I have faith that she’s going to turn her life around after this. We only got to know each other for a day, but she’s a good kids and I will keep her in my thoughts daily. We said goodbye at midnight. I tried to watch out the window, but didn’t see her. I was nervous for her. This all very hard. I miss her today and hope she’s hanging in there. I wish her the best of luck and I said to her that I might see her up there. She was sentenced October 16th, so 4 weeks she waited for transfer. If it’s 4 weeks for me, then I won’t leave until January. I was hoping to be out of here in December, but I would need immediate removal after my court date on December 12th. I want to get through receiving and on with this as soon as possible. We will see what happens. I can only hope for the best. 
Now I have to wait and see who is going to be my next roommate. The anticipation sucks. I have been pretty lucky so far, I hope the luck continues.
It’s nice in this new housing unit, the freedom to walk to chow hall and be out of our cells so much. But, it’s still jail and I’m surrounded by inmates. Some of these women deserve to be in 3F (behavioral unit). When we walk to chow hall, we are supposed to walk in a single file line, no talking, and hands in our waistbands. How hard is it to follow directions ? It’s so irritating to be around these women. They broke the law, so I don’t know why I’m surprised they can’t listen and follow simple rules. Most just don’t care. It’s hard to be around sometimes. It just reminds me of how I don’t fit in here. It’s almost like they are from another planet. Lifetime of crime, lifetime of not working, lifetime of using and abusing the system, lifetime of drugs. Many have no empathy for others. It’s a strange, but eye opening experience. Today at lunch, this girl did not drink her milk, so these two girls wanted it. They asked her if she was going to drink it. She replied "No”. They asked her if they could have it. She says “No”. They were so pissed and started talking shit. They couldn’t believe someone told them no. The girl in between them told the mean girls to leave her alone. But, they wouldn’t. The entire walk back to the hosing unit, they kept going on and on about it. Even threatening to kick her ass. Really !? Is lockdown worth a milk ? What’s wrong with these two !? Well according to them, it’s the principal. She should have given them the milk. I wish they would send both of them to 3F for a week. I’m not sure it would change their attitudes, but it would definitely put them in the housing unit they should be in ! 
We also have a “self appointed housing unit monitor”. A tattle tail. She thinks she’s in charge. She’s a brat who tells the deputy to lock us down because we don’t follow the rules. She’s not a deputy, she’s an inmate. All you can do is control yourself. It’s unbelievable. This housing unit has more petty bullshit drama, less mental health issues, but tons of “high school” BS. It is jail. 
It’s time for dinner. Our deputy tells us that she only has a few cell numbers down on a piece of paper and those cell number will get out on time at 7pm. Everyone else loses an hour of dayroom time tonight. She lectures everyone about how many didn’t make their beds today (beds have to be made by 9am) and that we talk too much instead of getting in a straight line and being quiet to go to the chow hall. So we waited. 
I made the list. I mean, my bed was made, I was in a straight line and didn’t talk. Not very hard to do ! 
So, we lined up to go to dinner. What a cluster. They kept yelling to move the line back. People were cutting in line. You sit in the order of your line. Each housing unit sits together. 8 people to a table. So, inmates are cutting in line to sit with their “friends”. It’s so ridiculous. Then we have one girl who refuses to sit by anyone that smells. She walks up and down the line yelling “the showers are free, soap, shampoo, and toothpaste, please us it !!”. I agree, good hygiene is a plus, but really, you have to cause trouble when the deputy is waiting on us ? This place is out of control. I am one of the few, that follows the rules. Nothing is worth losing time to see or talk to my kids and Husband. I just want to scream “just do what you’re told, stop trying to beat the system, you always lose, look where we are, we lost !” 

They did a pat down on the way out of the chow hall tonight. You should have seen all the food they found. It’s an automatic write up. Like I said,  they don’t get it, you tried to beat the system, and got caught again. You lose. 

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