Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Day 35 (10/27/14) I refuse to be broken....

The start of a new day begins right now. No going back to re-write the past. Go forward and write the future. Stop pondering over what you did and did not do. What you should and should not have done. Go forward with new wisdom and knowledge and make the ending much more than the beginning. Starting today, remember the choices you make today can affect your tomorrow. So, think before you act, before you do, and before you don’t. Learning along the way. 
I start my Monday with another inspiration from my Husband. Another motivation to get me through yet another week. Monday means laundry. We have another new deputy. That makes 9 days straight with a different deputy everyday. It’s hard to go every day and not know what your schedule is going to be like or know when you’ll be stepping foot out of your cell door. I just have to deal with it and hope for the best. 
This deputy splits the time between both tiers. So that’s good. Got a shower in and did the stairs for 30 minutes this morning. Found out my first bunkie, Mama J, went home today. I am glad I talked to her yesterday and got to sort of say goodbye. I wish her the best and will always be grateful for her kindness and generosity my first two weeks here. I hope she sticks to her plans and goals and makes it. I wish I was out and able to help her on her new journey. It’s hard for me to comprehend the idea that so many women here leave with no home to go to. Mama J’s family is in Texas. She’s hoping to get an apartment at St. Vincent De Paul, but what do you do while you wait for an opening ? My current roommate was telling me last night, how she hopes to find a studio or garage to live in and rent when she gets out next month. She leaves here homeless too. Where are the resources to help these women locate a home or place to stay before they let them out ? Why aren’t the counselors meeting with them a couple of weeks prior to their release ? Shouldn’t the goal be to not return ? More money needs to be spent on rehabilitation than throwing lives away and overcrowding the prisons and jails. We need reform, we need to improve the system, we need to just stop locking people up and forgetting about them. We need to focus on allowing forgiveness, rehabilitation, and growth. I hope one day I can help make a positive change to the reform our system desperately needs. 

Due to medical conditions and such, certain inmates cannot be housed on the top tier. So, the deputies will make changes. That’s how I ended up on the lower tier then back upstairs. So, changes were made today. One of the new arrivals had to be moved downstairs. Well, in the process of this move, they moved the insane girl with head lice out of her cell (cell 19) and into a new cell. She still has yet to be treated for the head lice. The deputy on Saturday said she got her an appointment with medical, but it has yet to happen. Now, they have just spread this. Exposing more inmates to lice. What is wrong with this place ? I’m not expecting luxury resort like conditions, but basic clean and humane conditions would be nice. We are at the mercy of the deputies and the system. When you end up here, you lost all rights, all power, you have no voice, and no one cares. All you are is a number. The favorite response to any gripes is “Well, don’t come to jail then”. They are in charge and they will do whatever they want to do and you can complain, you can fight, and you can file as many grievances as you want. But, you will never win. It’s your word against theirs and your word means nothing behind these walls. The abuse of power is just something you have to accept in here, because you can’t change it. The way you win. is to not let them get you down. If you stay strong, keep positive in your mind and being, they can’t win. For myself, I refuse to be broken. They can keep me in lockdown, they can refuse medical, ignore my requests, be rude and dis-respectful, but I am not going to be miserable. I’ll make the most of it and in the end in the end, I’ll still be me. Strong as ever ! 

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