Monday, October 13, 2014

Day 11 (10/3/14)

It was a busy morning. Girls going home, girls off to court, new inmates arriving, the cell doors and housing doors were opening and closing all morning long. It was hard to sleep, but I managed. Now that I have a “system” going, I’m not freezing all night. I sleep much better. 
I got a bunch of emails this morning. That was a pleasant surprise. I love the emails from my family. 
We have a new deputy this morning, so we will see how things go today. The bottom tier got the first AM shift.  I really wanted the first AM shift. I wanted to call my Husband this morning and wish him good luck on a new job. But, that didn’t happen, got stuck in this damn cell again ! I just want out of this place. I am sick of sitting around and wasting away in this damn place. How do they expect us to be contributing members to society if all we do is just sit around ? Sit around and get fat, stupid, and lazy. Most of these women sleep all day and night. They have given up. I can’t do it. I’m going crazy in here ! I need my mind and body to be moving and working every day.  If I were going to be tossed aside,forgotten, and left to waste away, you should have just killed me. Save the tax payers some money. Why waste money on food and housing on the worthless forgotten ones left to rot here. Just dig a ditch, kill us and it’s done. I am just angry and frustrated today. I was spoiled the last 2 days with getting out 3 times a day (morning, afternoon, evening) and now we’re back to this lockdown bullshit, out once a day. I just wish we could get on some kind of schedule.
It’s after lunch now and I’ve calmed down. I enjoyed my lunch at the windows in the sunlight. I came back in a re-read all the emails I have received from day 1. I am very thankful for my family and just need to focus on them and not what I can’t control. My Dad sent me this:
Be Happy ! Happiness comes from within. It’s not where you are, but who you are, who you love, who loves you, whether near or far. 
He’s right, I need to be happy within. I just need to think about my Husband, my Daughter, my Son, my Sisters, my Dad, my Mom, my entire family. All the love and support out there waiting for me. I am very lucky and blessed. That makes me very happy. Whether I am stuck in my cell or out of my cell, I am loved. I am happy for the love and support. 
The afternoon turned out to be a good one. We got out for 2 hours and 30 minutes today, 1:00pm – 3:30pm. I couldn’t believe it ! That was the longest at one time I have gotten out  since I’ve been here. It was amazing ! I enjoyed every minute and took full advantage of it. 
Then I had my visit with my family tonight. It was at 7pm, but they forgot to get me again. So, when I logged onto the video chat, we only had 16 minutes left out of 30. But, my Daughter went to the front desk and got another 25 minutes ! It was fantastic ! They all looked and sounded really good. My Daughter was beautiful, my Son with his handsome smile, and of course my Husband looks great as usual. I have the best little family in the world. I can’t wait until I am home. I look forward to the day we are all together again.  I miss and love them so much. 
I get ready for bed tonight with my bunkmate having a breakdown. She suffers from mental illness and she is having an episode. She is very angry. Slamming things and yelling about “wickedness” and “criminals with badges”. “Ali has something in store for their asses. You will be calling me by name. He can create an earthquake at anytime. God will strike you down. Wickedness in high places. The mother***ers all over this place”. I can go on and on. She is now reading loudly from the bible. Most people would be freaking out right now, but I can handle the insane, they don’t bother me. But, I understand now how she’s gone through so many different roommates in the short time she’s been here. This is not her first episode with me, but it’s the worst one so far. Her personality can turn on a dime. Well, never a dull moment in jail. We’ll see what tomorrow will bring. 

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