Made it through the weekend. I am feeling stronger. My Husband says I sound better. I keep reminding myself of my choices. Give up, give in, or keep going. Every day is a battle, but I choose to keep going. I have my Husband and kids to push forward for every day. It's not easy by any means, but they make it easier to fight harder and endure. I do miss them so much, but each day gets a little better.
It's Monday, so that means it's laundry day. I can't wait for that fresh clean uniform. I am thankful and appreciative for things like laundry day everyday. Too many women around here complain and whine about everything around here all day long. I understand, sure I wish we had less lockdown time. I wish we got to go outside more. I wish we had more visits. I can go on and on, but we can't dwell on the things we don't have. We need to be thankful for the things we do have. If these women would complain less, maybe we would have more.
This morning I got to talk to my Dad. It was nice to hear his voice. Also got a quick call into my Husband. Talking to him always puts a smile on my face. Got in some fresh air and some time on the exercise bike. We had a new deputy today, who was willing to split the morning with both tiers. Then let us all out in the afternoon. I was extremely excited. This was our chance. I just hoped no one would ruin it for us. All it takes is one bad apple and there are plenty of bad apples here. 2pm came around and the doors unlocked for both the upper and lower tiers. It was wonderful. I walked around a bit and stretched my legs. Then just sat in a chair with the afternoon sun beating down on me. Just enjoyed the warmth of the sun on my skin. It was very relaxing. Being in the upper tier, we usually don't get the afternoon. We are on lock down around 10am and don't get out until it's dark. So, I took in every second of that afternoon sun. Again, another thing I took for granted in life. A little sunshine.
It only took about 30 minutes , then the trouble started. In this housing unit, there are numerous women who clearly suffer from mental illness. Some more severe than others. I don't believe inmates with severe mental illness, should be in here. They need to be getting the help they need in a different facility or separate housing facility. Anyhow, one of the inmates named April, is one of the more severe cases of mental illness. She was licking her fingers and touching the floor, then licking her fingers again. It was not a good or healthy situation. One of the girls went to the deputy and told her what April was doing. Also told her she needed to go to mental health services. During this incident, Summer, another inmate, was trying to help April. Get her to stop and sit down and watch tv with us. But, April was getting hostile. The deputy got up and asked April to go upstairs and go to her cell. When April wouldn't listen, we were all ordered on lockdown. Then, April went after the deputy. Trying to hit her. The deputy took April down and ordered us again to lockdown. As we headed for our cells, two more deputies came rushing in. No one gave any trouble. We all went to our cells. But, there went our chance of more day room time and less lockdown. I wonder, is it just our housing unit ? Am I stuck with all the misfits? How the hell did I get in here ?
I hope April gets the mental health services she needs. People with mental health issues do not belong in jail. It's not fair to anyone. The inmate with the illness, the other inmates, or the deputies in these situations. Back to lockdown. It was nice while it lasted.