It’s Friday and I have the cell to myself. Top tier got the AM shift today, so I was up, read the paper, called my daughter, showered, watched a little law and order, then called my Dad. It was a good morning, but still hard. I think it’s a combination of I miss my family so much and the dread and anxiety that by 10 am, I will be back in my cell until dark. I know I am stronger than this and I need to keep fighting and pushing forward. But, it is so very hard. I feel like the walls are just closing in. I can’t escape, it’s horrible and on top of that, I just want to desperately see my Husband and kids. I hope they are doing ok. I worry about them so much. They are just a few miles from here, but it feels so far away.
I got 4 emails today (I can be emailed and the deputies print and deliver them). I waited to read them until after dayroom time. They really helped lift my spirits. My Mom emailed me a quick update, my Dad sent me a hello and a joke to cheer me up, my Sister sent me a wonderful email, full of inspiration. “Don’t let them win. Some days will be peaks and others valleys. Don’t allow all your days to become valleys ! Strive for peaks and overcome valleys !” She is really wonderful. I knew she was always a good Sister, but she’s a saint through all this. Purely amazing. I love her and am thankful everyday for her love and support.
Then I saved the best for last. My Husbands email was just unreal. He is so wonderful. As he said, we are soul mates and best friends. To keep me going, I just need to remember everyday how lucky I am to have such an incredible Husband who loves me so much. I didn’t even realize how special he is or how much he really loves me until now. He wrote this to me “When you are down, be brave. Rise above. Be sad, but don’t be weak. Be a warrior. Cry, but don’t let it turn in to a river to drown in. Know your Husband is here and will never leave your side. I have the strength of 10 men when it comes to protecting you. You are my life. My everything. Nothing will keep us apart. Not even this. This is nothing. I love you. Rise above, Rise above.”
I love him so much. He gives me the strength to rise above. I feel so much better. I have such an amazing family and so much love and support. I will make it through this and be stronger in the end.