I made it through most of the day without a tear. But, after dinner, I could not hold it in longer. I miss my family so much. That's the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I have hit rock bottom, so the only way is up from here. I spent most of my day writing. We finally got the afternoon shift instead of the morning. So after lunch, got to get out. Enjoyed the sun, rode the exercise bike, and watched Law and Order. I tried to call my Dad, but couldn't get an answer. It was upsetting, because I really wanted to talk to him. I love and miss him so much. He is the best Dad and means a lot to me. His love and support through this has meant the world to me. I thought I was just a disappointment to him, but that was not the case. He loves me so much and I love him, always have.
I hope my books come soon. I am feeling really down. At dinner, Mama J asked me "You really hate this place don't you", of course I do. I miss my family so much. I just want to be with them. I am also afraid of the future. Am I going to be able to support my family again ? Will I be the same person ? I don't want to lose myself here. It's so easy to sink into depression in here.
I had a good cry, cried it out and focussed on the positive. My visit tonight with my two favorite boys.
I made my evening. It was real good. I needed that visit. It was wonderful to see my Husband and handsome Son. He has such a gorgeous smile. He is a very special boy with a heart of gold.
As a Mom, I got two magnificent children. They fill my heart with love and make me so proud. I beam with happiness when I see them. I can't wait to hold and hug them again.
Finished the night off with part of a movie and thankfulness of another passing day.